Archive for the ‘Leadership’ Category

Self-Study EQ Coaching

Want to become certified as a Social + Emotional Intelligence Coach® but can’t fit a 12-hour course into your busy schedule?

Consider our self-study program! Listen to each class recording on your own time, submit a content summary, and receive 12 CCEUs from the ICF, HRCI, or SHRM.

Our rich 12-hour course is priced at $1,799 and includes:

  • Your EQ Coaching Toolkit with 200+ pages of worksheets, exercises and other tools you can use to bring social and emotional intelligence training and coaching into your practice
  • Customizable PowerPoint presentations
  • Certification to administer both the self and 360-versions of The Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile-Self (SEIP)®, the most comprehensive, statistically-reliable, scientifically-validated instrument on the market today. This includes the Work, Adult and Youth Editions.
  • 12 recertification credits (ICF, HRCI, or SHRM)
  • 10 free Self-SEIP® credits (a $750 value!)

Learn more at: https://isei.worldsecuresystems.com/BookingRetrieve.aspx?ID=75540 | The Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence | www.the-isei.com | info@isei.org

5 Habits That Let Emotionally Intelligent People Adapt To Anything

Article submitted by guest author Harvey Deutschendorf.

The ability to stay flexible and open-minded in uncertain times isn’t just a personality thing. It also depends on what you do.
5 Habits That Let Emotionally Intelligent People Adapt To Anything

[Photo: Jurica Koletić/Unsplash]

Adaptability has always mattered in the workplace, but with automation on the march and many industries experiencing major upheavals, it may be a more crucial skill now than ever. Whether you’re an entry-level employee or the CEO of a company, knowing how to cope with change and uncertainty is pretty much nonnegotiable.

By now it’s hardly news that emotional intelligence is key to thriving in the future of work, thanks to the habits and behaviors it encourages. Here are five that highly emotionally intelligent people tend to practice–which anyone can tap into in order to adapt to change.

 

 

1. THEY RECOGNIZE WHEN THEY’RE GETTING TOO COMFORTABLE

When confronted with change, most people decamp back to their proverbial comfort zones. It’s a natural first instinct–staying with what you know–not to mention the easiest. But over the mid- to long-term, it can make you rigid and inflexible.

Emotionally intelligent people aren’t immune to this knee-jerk reaction. They simply tend to more aware when it’s happening. That’s the crucial first step toward overcoming the urge to stay with the tried-and-true and move instead into uncharted territory. After all, awareness precedes any possibility of action. Simply knowing your typical behavioral patterns and emotional drivers gives you an advantage in dealing with sudden new variables.

Brené Brown put this aptly in her 2015 book Daring Greatly: “Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement,” she writes. “Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”

If you can’t first recognize when you’re clinging to cozy habits–and, in Brown’s words, “engage with” your discomfort at the idea of changing them up–you’ll never find a way to break with the old.

2. THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Change brings up feelings from both ends of the emotional spectrum: excitement and anxiety. In their just-published book The Power of Vulnerability, authors Barry Kaplan and Jeffrey Manchester point out the obvious perils of the latter: “The fear will tug at your sleeves and attempt to pull you back into a spiral of second guessing.” Their advice? Don’t try to suppress that anxiety. “Acknowledge it, be thankful that the presence of the emotion keeps you grounded, and then move through it.”

No one adapts to change and uncertainty by trying to ignore how it makes them feel. Recognizing your negative emotions is the prerequisite to managing and moving through them successfully. Not sure just how to do that? Here are a few ways to start.

3. THEY SOLICIT AND CONSIDER MULTIPLE PERSPECTIVES

Instead of insisting on their way or looking for just one right way, emotionally intelligent people understand that their own point of view is merely that–and they aren’t discouraged by the knowledge that their beliefs have inevitable biases and limitations.

Grasping this reality is essential for considering new ideas, including those that may be totally contrary to whatever you’ve believed in the past. Needless to say, adapting to change requires approaching new and untried initiatives with an open mind, and a willingness to take risks on them. (It’s one reason why recruiting expert Yewande Ige recently shared with Fast Company that she asks every job candidate, “Are you willing to be wrong about your opinion on the world?”) Instead of increasing friction in the workplace, emotionally intelligent people serve as the lubricant for ingenuity to flow more freely in fast-changing times.

4. THEY READ NONVERBAL CUES

Amid any change, there’s likely to be resistance that can sabotage the process if it isn’t dealt with. Some may want to be seen as being open to new things and yet feel very differently inside. Emotionally intelligent people intuitively understand how group pressure might compel others not to voice their misgivings. So they try to predict wherever unspoken reservations might be lying dormant, then draw them out productively.

This takes an awareness of verbal nuances as well as nonverbal cues. It might sound like an odd habit for cultivating adaptability, but making a conscious effort to practice reading others’ body language can help you home in on and address what what your coworkers are feeling. This won’t just sharpen your own emotional intelligence, it will also help you win your colleagues’ support so you can all adapt to new circumstances together.

5. THEY DON’T REACT HASTILY TO SETBACKS

Anyone trying to succeed in a fast-changing environment will encounter surprises, setbacks, and failures. They key isn’t avoiding those obstacles, it’s handling them effectively. Emotionally intelligent people don’t automatically revert to the old way of doing things as soon as a new approach falls short. Instead, they typically avoid reacting until they’ve had a chance to think things through and decide how to move forward. Often doing nothing (for now) is better–and more difficult–than doing the wrong thing too quickly.

The key is being able to sit with a problem long enough to think through the best way forward. It takes patience, composure, and listening skills to bring everyone together and come up with a solid group consensus. Instead of looking to lay blame for setbacks, they’ll be focused on solutions.

 

The Best Leaders are Learners

Article submitted by Lindiwe S. Lester, M.Ed., Ed.S.

The well-worn phrase “lifelong learner” is no joke when it comes to leaders operating in today’s quickly changing business landscape. Remember, leaders at every level, including managers, wield significant influence that can impact multiple levels of the organization. This means YOU are either maximizing or thwarting both business and staff performance (and satisfaction).

The best leaders realize the effect their leadership has on both departments and people; so they make it a priority to carve out time to keep honing their skills, i.e., remain in a growthmode.

Consider these two recently published data points: Only 10% of leaders have a learning plan and most people lack 20-40% of the skills needed to perform their jobs.[1]

People tend to get promoted into higher roles based on their successful performance in a previous role. How do they thoughtfully assess the new skills and requisite competencies for their new role?

Then we have those who are tenured in their roles. They ought to be considering, “Since I’ve been in this role for years, I need to figure out what this role requires of me today.”

The best leaders are learners. Lack of time is not an excuse when success in your esteemed role is critically important. Age or years on the job doesn’t mean learning and development stop, especially in a changing environment where the complex issues will likely challenge your current capabilities.

Coaching, leader development, and leader learning plans are proven tactics for those who desire to have greater currency, relevance, and authenticity as high-performing leaders.

Consider these questions: What are you reading this month? Who is providing you with genuine coaching and feedback? How are you uncovering blind spots that others see and are impacted by? How are you engaging your strengths in new and important ways? Where does your learning journey begin?

[1] Zenger Folkman, Bringing Science to the Art of Coaching, 2014 and HBR Ulrik Christensen, 9/29/2017

Why show empathy, anyway?

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

We hear a lot about the need for empathy. Empathy is that ability to sense others’ feelings and to take an active interest in their perspective and concerns. People who are good at this listen for the unspoken emotions in a conversation. They are attentive to a wide range of emotional signals which clue them in to being sensitive to understanding what the other person really wants and needs.

“If there is any great secret of success in life, it lies in the ability to put yourself in the other person’s place and to see things from his point of view — as well as your own.” — Henry Ford

Those who struggle with empathy — and this may be you — have a hard time reading people and picking up on what they are thinking and feeling. They tend to be literal in hearing only the words which someone says and don’t know how to decipher the other communication that is going on through facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. People with low empathy tend to stereotype others based upon outward appearances and show little deference to others’ opinions and ways of thinking. An unempathetic person can come across indifferent and uncaring.

Why does this matter in the workplace? A Gallup study done in 2015 reported that about 50% of the 7,200 adults surveyed left a job “to get away from their manager.” The study also found that employees whose bosses communicated with them directly and regularly (up to 3 times per week) — not just about work issues but who took an interest in their personal lives — felt more enthusiastic and dedicated to their work. But a lack of empathy — a boss that doesn’t show that he/she cares — can result in company money down the drain. In an article by Suzanne Lucas in CBS News’ Moneywatch (November 21, 2012), she wrote, “For all jobs earning less than $50,000 per year, or more than 40 percent of U.S. jobs, the average cost of replacing an employee amounts to fully 20 percent of the person’s annual salary.” She also shared that in lower-paying jobs (under $30k), the cost to lose an employee is only 16% of their salary — but still. Those dollars add up.

And what about outside of the workplace? “Empathy is truly the heart of the relationship,” said Carin Goldstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Without it, the relationship will struggle to survive.” In his book Social Intelligence, author Daniel Goleman writes: “Our experience of oneness – a sense of merging or sharing identities – increases whenever we take someone else’s perspective and strengths the more we see things from their point of view. The moment when empathy becomes mutual has an especially rich resonance.” (Social Intelligence, Goleman, p. 110)

“Relationships often suffer because people get so caught up in their own experience that they simply can’t relate to what someone else is going through. They assert their opinions and hand out advice – all the while not truly appreciating the other person’s struggles.” – Leslie Becker -Phelps, Ph.D.

People with empathy are able to show a sensitivity to what the other person is going through and take action to help make the situation more tolerable for that person. Empathy truly is one of the ways we can begin to connect deeply with others.

I know it all sounds good. We should be more empathetic. But showing empathy is easier for some than others. If you come up on the short stick of empathy, do you just shrug and say, “Oh well. I’m no good at that.”? Empathy is a competency of emotional intelligence, specifically, social intelligence, the ability to discern others’ emotions in the moment and respond accordingly. Empathy is a behavior, and the good news for those of us who struggle with it, behavior can be changed. If you are self-aware enough to realize you may not be the most empathetic person, here are some developmental tips you can try to begin to make a shift in a new direction:

  • Listen. Becoming a good listener is the foundation. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and really tune in to what the other person is saying — and not saying.
  • Ask questions to clarify meaning. Sure, you heard what you think you heard, but asking a few questions not only shows the other person you are interested in learning more but provides clarity to truly understanding what they are trying to express.
  • Put down that phone. When someone’s talking, it’s easy to be distracted by other things going on around you. Let’s be honest, people don’t always pick the most opportune times to walk into your office to talk. Show them respect by putting away distractions while they’re speaking — put down your cell phone (and turn it over so you’re not tempted by the screen or even better, turn it off), close your laptop, and make eye contact as they speak.
  • Tune into the emotions behind the words. Sometimes what the person across from you is really looking for in a conversation is masked behind their words. Listen deeply to find the real meaning behind what is coming out of their mouths.
  • Suspend judgement. You may possess the gift of keen discernment and have that ability to pick up on the subtle nuances of what someone is trying to communicate, but with that can come the ability to pass judgement too quickly. Catch yourself if you are quick to criticize or dismiss the opinions of others. Often the other perspective can offer you fresh insights which you may not have been able to come up with yourself.

Though growing in empathy can take some work, your efforts can lead you down the path of healthier, happier relationships, both at home and at the office. If you feel you need some help, consider employing a social + emotional intelligence coach to walk alongside you on the journey.

“Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.” — John MacNaughton

Upcoming Online Course – The Resilient Leader: Instilling Grit

Businessman Weathering The Storm

Class dates: Thursdays, April 12 – May 17, 2018

Class time: 12-1pm ET, 10-11am MT

Cost: $795

Class meets once a week for 6 weeks

Grit, or resiliency, is a competency of emotional intelligence based upon one’s passion for a long-term goal that’s coupled with a powerful motivation to achieve that objective, despite setbacks, barriers or limited resources. It’s that ability to bounce back well when things don’t go the way we hope. It’s the courage and resolve to tackle what we set out to accomplish. And the truth is, some people have it — and some people don’t.

Grit proves to be a valuable skill in the professional world as we navigate the challenges that come with running a business, meeting deadlines, and reaching quotas. And no one can disagrees that grit is required to keep our personal relationships in good health. The good news is that grit can be learned and taught.

Participants receive an online workbook and 6 recertification credits from the ICF or HRCI.

The Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence® | www.the-isei.com | info@isei.org

Do you play well with others?

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

“This job would be easier if people weren’t involved.”

It’s one of my favorite tongue-in-cheek sayings.  While true, as most of our conflict comes from interactions with others (though we all do struggle with self-conflict from time to time), most of us wouldn’t have a job if it weren’t for those around us — peers, colleagues, supervisors, employees, customers, clients are a vital part of any business. But working collaboratively with others can be difficult, frustrating, and downright annoying at times.

At some point in most relationships, conflict is going to happen whenever there is more than one person in the room. And our conflict management skills, which are a competency of strong emotional intelligence, are what can make the difference between frustrating, unresolved disagreements or enabling conversations where all parties can pursue the best possible solutions.

We all have a role when it comes to conflict, whether we are the vocal one who loses our temper or the quiet doormat that stays silent.

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”  — Wayne Dyer

It’s no monkey business:  learning how to navigate conflict can increase our sense of well-being and job satisfaction and contributes greatly to the quality of relationships both at work and at home.

How well do you play with others?

Ask yourself the following questions and see how many you can answer yes to:

  • I can see potential conflict before it arises and help de-escalate the situation.
  • I can handle difficult people with tact.
  • I can lay down my own expectations and be open to hearing the perspectives of others.
  • I can manage tense situations with diplomacy.
  • I can create a safe space for all parties to share their perspectives.
  • I can help all parties involved understand the other perspectives in the room.
  • I can hear diverse opinions and find a common ideal.
  • I can orchestrate win-win solutions.

Five Conflict Styles and when to use them

We all have our own ‘style’ when it comes to conflict resolve, but that doesn’t mean we can’t grow and learn other approaches that may better serve us and the situation at hand. In 1974, Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilman created the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument, which identifies five styles of conflict. There are situations that arise when some styles work better than others. Here is a quick guide:

1-Competitive/Controlling – A quick and decisive action is needed (vital in emergency situations), or the other party would take advantage of cooperation on your part.

2-Collaborating – The issues (and/or relationship) are too important to be compromised and the objective is to integrate differing viewpoints.

3-Avoiding – There are more important things to tackle, there is no chance of achieving your objectives, the parties need time to “cool down” or take time to gather more data.

4-Accommodating – You realize you are wrong, or understand that the issues at hand are more important to the other person and/or you need to build ‘credits’ with that person.

5-Compromising – It’s too risky to be too controlling, both parties are committed to mutually exclusive goals, you need a quick or temporary solution under time constraints.

Time for a Shift

How do you know when it’s time to shift your approach to conflict resolve? Simply put, when your approach is not working.  Losing friends left and right? Colleagues can’t stand you? Coworkers shut down and won’t share their perspective with you? Feel agitated and stressed when conflict is discussed? People walk all over you in meetings?  You are the only one talking in meetings? You get what you want but no one is alongside you to enjoy it?  If you find yourself in a confusing or disturbing conflict, try asking yourself these honest questions:

  • How was my behavior received by others?
  • How did I feel during the conflict?
  • How much do I care about the outcome?
  • What were my expectations of the situation and did they match up with reality?
  • What judgments did I make about the others during the conflict and were they accurate?
  • What did I want to see happen? What did they want to see happen?
  • What is my investment into this situation? What is theirs?
  • Am I acting in an old pattern of behavior that no longer serves me?
  • What can I say/do going forward to optimize the outcome?

Which of the five conflict resolve styles is your primary ‘go-to’ when faced with conflict?  Does it serve you well in all situations or could you stand to develop a new approach? If you struggle in the area of conflict resolve, good news! Behaviors in conflict resolve are learned and can be changed. Finding a social + emotional intelligence coach to walk alongside you to make behavior shifts can be a great place to start.

“When team members trust each other and know that everyone is capable of admitting when they’re wrong, then conflict becomes nothing more than the pursuit of truth or the best possible answer.” —  Patrick Lencioni

Free 1-hour webinar on emotional intelligence

Join us for an interactive hour of insight into social + emotional intelligence–its relevance to well-being, impact on company bottom line, and how you can grow your coaching practice by adding the unique of S+EI coaching to your toolkit.

 Thursday, March 1, 2018

3-4 pm Eastern Time (USA)

The first 20 to register will receive a free Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP)®, one of the most statistically-reliable S+EI assessments on the market today!

Even if you can’t attend this live session, please go ahead and register and we’ll send you the link to the recording after the webinar.

 

Give the gift of Emotional Intelligence

Still looking for that perfect holiday gift for a loved one, colleague…or yourself? Consider giving the gift of emotional intelligence! Purchase a class registration today!

Our 12-hour online Coach Certification Course will help grow your coaching business by adding to your expertise the unique niche of social + emotional intelligence (S+EI) coaching. The course certifies participants to coach S+EI, administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP)®, (both the self and 360 versions) and includes a 200+ page coaching toolkit, 10 free SEIPs®, and 12 recertification credits from the ICF, HRCI, or SHRM. Learning to help others increase their S+EI so they can be freed up to live happier, healthier lives is a gift you’ll use the rest of your life! Your investment: $1799

Our Specialty Courses dive into a specific area of social + emotional intelligence and add to your knowledge and expertise in one of these three areas:

These 6-hour online courses come with PowerPoint slides and participant workbooks in addition to the expert instruction from one of our highly-qualified facilitators. You’ll earn 6 recertification credits upon completion from the ICF or HRCI! Your investment: $795

Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence®

www.the-isei.com | 303-325-5176 | info @the-isei.com

The New Workplace: Where Meaning And Purpose Are More Important Than Ever

Article contributed by guest author Renelle Darr.

(Published in Forbes [September 2017]:  https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2017/09/13/the-new-workplace-where-meaning-and-purpose-are-more-important-than-ever/#42e3c21f5a46)

 

More than ever, people are wanting more out of work than money. They want more meaning and more purpose. They want to be to be able to see how their contribution to the workplace makes a difference. Purpose and meaning is a two-way street where an employee is encouraged to bring their full set of values and strengths to work and, in turn, the organization supports the employee in using those values and strengths in service of its mission. For that reason, it is not only social enterprises that can provide purpose for employees, or that should. Research has found that employees who derive meaning and significance from their work are much more likely to stay with their organizations.

In order to shift our work environment to one that has more meaning, there are some pivotal employee essentials that must be accounted for by employers to enable such a transformation. In my 20 years of consulting on organizational strategy, I have observed what happens when these conditions are in place and the ramifications and limitations when they aren’t, which helped to develop the following framework.

Imagine a pyramid: The first element is a foundational requirement for the item above it. From the bottom up, wellness, emotional intelligence, conscious leadership and transformed cultures build toward the creation of an employee who gets more from their work than simply a salary — a sense of meaning and purpose.

Wellness

Many organizations have embraced wellness in some way, whether partnering with their health insurance carriers and offering employee wellness programs or providing pedometers that monitor daily steps. Other more advanced organizations are offering meditation, yoga and access to nutritionists and personal trainers. Health and wellness are basic essentials needed to bring our full selves to work. It fuels the energy to be our best and to continuously improve.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is defined as a set of behaviors that enable “your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.” It is nearly impossible to improve our emotional intelligence without wellness (adequate sleep, exercise and nutrition, etc). Emotional Intelligence 2.0 co-author Travis Bradberry found that emotional intelligence skills account for 58% of performance in all job types and that 90% of high performers also exhibit high emotional intelligence.

The most important aspect of EQ is self-awareness. Awareness of self (emotional self-awareness, accurate self-knowledge and personal power) is the launching point for individual transformation. Awareness holds the key to success in aspects of managing relationships such as building trust, visionary leadership, innovation, teamwork and many more. Self-aware leaders understand their triggers, their strengths and their weaknesses, which allows them to navigate many complex situations and more easily grow and develop themselves. It is cultivated through mindfulness, learning and intentional self-discovery (such as personality assessments). We must truly know ourselves and our own purpose before we can lead others and the organization with purpose.

Conscious Leadership

Highly self-aware, emotionally intelligent leaders are then able to make a shift to conscious leadership. Consciousness and competence move together: As leaders become more conscious on the inside, their outer competence grows to enable them to navigate complexity, make better strategic decisions and deepen professional relationships. They are able to move from operating in a more reactive state where decision-making is not shared and obedience is required to sharing authority and operating from a place of inner purpose where their values, talents and strengths are guiding the contributions they make to an organization.

This type of leadership is required to create lean, innovative, visionary, agile, high-fulfillment organizations and cultures. Leadership is shared: The leader takes responsibility for crafting the vision, involving others in the vision and helping them connect how it enables each teammate to fulfill their personal purposes collectively. The culture consulting work I engage in is always most successful when preceded by work that helps ensure the executive team is self-aware and operating at a more conscious level.

Transformed Cultures

Humans who embrace wellness, emotional intelligence and conscious growth become leaders and employees capable of working in new ways. Conscious leaders are able to look at the strategy and processes within an organization and begin shifting them by flattening hierarchies and empowering people to bring all of their gifts, talents and values to work. Conscious leaders are able to construct work as a place to truly grow and develop. It is these types of cultures where employees not only find meaning at work but produce extraordinary results.

The Way Of The Future

Recently, I facilitated a board and executive team strategy retreat for an organization where I’d been coaching and consulting the executive team for almost a year around emotional intelligence and conscious leadership. The quality of connection, strategic discussion and new possibilities that emerged were truly transformational.

Of pioneering organizations who have made such shifts, Frederick Laloux wrote, “They show how we can deal with the complexity of our times in wholly new ways, and how work can become a place of personal fulfillment and growth. And they make today’s organizations look painfully outdated.” Many organizations spend little time in onboarding on the company culture and relational training for new employees. Many organizations still have large top-down hierarchies which prevent employees lower in the hierarchy from making decisions they know the most about since they are closest to the work. And many organizations still do not provide meaningful development for employees. These current processes get in the way of purpose. In 50 years we may shake our heads that we ever actually ran organizations this way.

Where does your organization fall within the pyramid? How will you make these shifts in order to be part of the changing nature of work? Will yours be one of the organizations people shake their heads about in 50 years?

 

 

12 Must-Have Social and Emotional Intelligence Skills for the Workplace

Article contributed by guest author Karen Atkinson.

Over the past few decades, thanks to Dr. Daniel Goleman, the term “Emotional Intelligence” has become an everyday word in the American workplace. Most people have a vague notion that it’s something using emotions and smarts to make good decisions. When I read his first book “Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ” (1995), I was thrilled someone was acknowledging the emotional world we live. Today, when I talk to people about emotional intelligence, I would say, most people still don’t fully understand what it means.

Over the past two decades, Caruso, Salovey, Mayer, Ciarrochi, Goleman and Belsten have identified social and emotional intelligence attributes. These are qualities that a person utilizes which enable them to develop and maintain healthy communication, behavior and relationships. Several of these theorists have created their own assessment tools to help others determine where they fall within this skill set. The Institute for Social and Emotional Intelligence®, founded by Dr. Laura Belsten, offers the SEIP®, Social and Emotional Intelligence Profile®, which offers 26 competencies!

There’s much more to this than we realized.

Quick review: What is Emotional Intelligence?

The term “Emotional Intelligence” is now being expanded into “Social and Emotional Intelligence”.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to be aware of our own emotions, in the moment, and to use that information to manage our behavior appropriately.

Social Intelligence is the ability to be aware of the emotions of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage our relationships.  

– Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence (ISEI)®

What they have found is that there are more than just a few things that make up Social and Emotional Intelligence. These are skills, meaning that they can be taught. And they are behaviors, that when utilized, are better indicators of workplace performance, productivity, and long-term success, for individuals and for businesses. They are not mutually exclusive, nor are they exhaustive. But they are definite contributors.

Here are 12 of the skills:

  1. The ability to be self-aware. It sounds self-indulgent but really it’s not. This is a skill needed as a foundation to develop healthy relationships with oneself and with others. The feelings (and thoughts) that someone has, in that moment, are what will dictate their responses and behaviors towards others. This is also the foundation for changes in behavior.
  1. Create an emotional vocabulary. Having language about emotions themselves allows for the healthy expression of feelings. This, by the way, is a normal process for people. When someone is self-aware and able to use an emotional vocabulary, they are also more able to develop healthy communication habits.

Note: Some people think that talking about or expressing emotions means they are weak, but that’s an outdated notion. Research actually shows the opposite – people generally function better in relationship when they are able to have a healthy expression of emotions.

  1. Practice empathy. This is the ability to feel the experience of others. This means stepping out of our own heads and trying to really get the experience of another. This is another tool that builds the foundation for social relationships. Different from sympathy, research shows genuine empathy is the key to building trust and deeper relationships.
  1. Be aware of your own body. Good self-care reflects in a person’s presentation of himself or herself, body image and impacts self-confidence. It’s also part of what Social Psychologists call the Self-World construct, which is our understanding of how we see the world and how the world sees us.
  1. Learn to manage emotions. This is the opposite of emotional hijacking. Actively choosing to manage emotions like anger, for example, directly reflects a person’s theory about emotions. And it’s directly linked to a person’s value system and moral choices. Managing emotions is also a sign of emotional maturity and gives a person a better sense of himself or herself. For leaders, it allows more control over situations and engenders support while providing a feeling of safety to others, which can be critical in high-stress situations.
  1. Develop coping strategies. This is critical for emotional resiliency and to develop emotional maturity. This can include stress reduction exercises, journaling, breathing exercises, and meditation or prayer, to mention a few. Many learn to develop these strategies in therapy or through coaching. Using habits like these, in a regular basis, increases emotional resiliency – the ability to emotionally tolerate and handle difficult situations.
  1. Practice assertive communication skills. The goal here is to develop an approach towards building healthy relationships through developing healthy communication skills. “I feel” statements are one example.
  1. Utilize limit setting. When someone actively chooses to put boundaries in place around a relationship or activity, they often can feel empowered or more in control. A feeling of managing things is also importance when managing the regulation of emotions.
  1. Learn how to understand others’ emotions. This is not the same as empathy. This is about learning to recognize cues in others’ behaviors. Tuning into others’ behaviors, facial expressions, and communication increases effectiveness in the communication. One way to build empathy is through the ability to recognize cues in a person’s expression, tone or body language.
  1. Manage negative emotions: like anger. Unbridled rage or passive-aggressive behavior can do more damage and actually hinder relationship building.
  1. Practice listening. Really listening. People generally need to not only be heard but also understood. One way to practice this skill is to listen to someone else and then reflect back what he or she said.
  1. Develop strategies for difficult situations. These are tools to think about in advance for when stressful situations come up. Some call if a “plan b”.

Executive, Performance and Life coaches have taught these skills for years. The great thing is that each of these traits can easily become skills that help a person function better in relationship and in life. For companies, they can be qualities that become embedded into the company culture through the employees and managers, to increase team building, improve performance and increase sales.


Resources:

Dr. Belsten, Laura, founder, Social and Emotional Intelligence Certification, Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence®, 2017

Ciarrochi, Forgas, and Mayer (editors), Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life, 2nd edition, Psychology Press, 2006

Goleman, Daniel, Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ, Bantom Books, 1995

Harvard Business Review, HBR’S Must Reads On Emotional Intelligence, 2015, Harvard Business School Publishing, 2015

Upcoming Classes