Archive for the ‘Life Coaching’ Category

Gratitude for a new life

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

If you’re a regular consumer of social media, you’ve most likely seen this question pop up on your news feed: “What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?” It makes us all stop and think, in the moment at least, and offer up a few sentiments to the universe before going on with our previously-scheduled programming of stress, worry, and negativity.

But what if you considered making gratitude part of your everyday life?

Gratitude is a positive emotion.  While some define it as “the state of being grateful” or “expressing thanks”, I like this definition best:

“Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals – whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.” — Harvard Medical School

However you elucidate it, feeling and expressing gratitude has a positive impact on both you and others. I challenge you to find an article or video describing the ill-effects of gratitude. There are many reasons why we’d want to develop a heart of gratitude, and here are just a few.

A Healthier Body

According to Robert Emmons, leading researcher on gratitude and its effects, those who practice gratitude in a consistent manner report a host of benefits including stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, and are less bothered by aches and pains. (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good). In an article published in the National Communication Association’s Review of Communication, Stephen M. Yoshimura and Kassandra Berzins explored the connection between the expression of gratitude and physical health. They found that gratitude consistently associates with many positive health states and reduced reports of negative physical symptoms. (https://www.natcom.org/press-room/expressing-gratitude-makes-us-healthier-who-wouldn%E2%80%99t-be-grateful)

“Gratitude can be an incredibly powerful and invigorating experience. There is growing evidence that being grateful may not only bring good feelings. It could lead to better health.” – Jeff Huffman

Peace of Mind

Gratitude can also benefit our mental health. Emmons conducted multiple studies linking gratitude and mental well-being. His findings were that gratitude can increase happiness and decrease depression. And a study published in 2014 in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology found that athletes can increase their self-esteem, an important component of mental wellness, by expressing gratitude. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022440507000386)
“Results indicated that counting blessings was associated with enhanced self-reported gratitude, optimism, life satisfaction, and decreased negative affect.” In a separate study, children who practiced grateful thinking showed signs of more positive attitudes toward their family and at school. (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).

Sleep Tight

And how about that elusive but necessary thing called sleep? A study done in 2016 by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated that more than one third of Americans don’t get enough sleep. (http://www.healthcommunities.com/sleep-disorders/overview-of-sleep-disorders.shtml) Struggling to doze off, waking in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, starting the day feeling exhausted– sound familiar? Try gratefulness as a sleep aid. One study showed that those who were grateful fell asleep quickly and slept more soundly, supporting evidence that more grateful people may sleep better because they have more positive thoughts when they lay down to go to  sleep. Gratitude predicted greater subjective sleep quality and sleep duration, and less sleep latency and daytime dysfunction.” (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022399908004224). And in a 2008 study by Alex M. Wood, “Gratitude predicted greater subjective sleep quality and sleep duration, and less sleep latency and daytime dysfunction.” (https://www.jpsychores.com/article/S0022-3999(08)00422-4/fulltext)

Make new friends

Gratitude can help with creating new relationships. A study led by UNSW psychologist Dr Lisa Williams and Dr Monica Bartlett of Gonzaga University showed that the practice of thanking a new acquaintance for their help makes them more likely to seek an ongoing social relationship with you.  “Our findings represent the first known evidence that expression of gratitude facilitates the initiation of new relationships among previously unacquainted people,” says Dr. Williams.

But how?

Gratitude acts as a strengthener of our positive emotions, like exercise for the muscles. This practice of appreciation eliminates feelings of envy and angst as it allows our memories to be happier. Through gratitude, we experience positive feelings, which in turn help us thrive after disappointments and failures. It shifts our attention away from toxic emotions and makes it harder to ruminate on negative events. In a study done by Joel Wong and Joshua Brown in 2007,  involving 300 subjects who were seeking mental health counseling, they found that when people are more grateful, they experienced brain activity which is distinct from neurological activity related to a negative emotion such as guilt. In addition, they exhibited a greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain associated with learning and decision making. (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain)

Now what?

Though we may understand the many benefits of expressing gratitude, incorporating it into our day-to-day lives can be tricky.  Life’s pressures bear down on us and staying thankful often doesn’t come naturally…negativity does. But with a little effort, it is possible to maintain an attitude of gratitude.  Here are some ideas to try:

1-Eat thankfulness for breakfast.  Literally, don’t allow yourself to get out of bed until you’ve said, out loud, at least 5 things you are thankful for, whether great or small.  Pause after each and soak in the warm, positive feelings that are associated with each. It’s a healthy and optimistic way to start each day.

“Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” — Kahlil Gibran

2-Fill a thankful jar.  Find a colorful jar at a local thrift shop and set it somewhere you can see it throughout the day. On a scrap of paper, jot down anything and everything that happens each day that makes a positive impact on you:  a kind word from a colleague, a surprise gift from a loved one, the beautiful sunrise on your way to the office, the aroma from your pumpkin spice latte. Wad these up and throw them in your jar, then, at the end of the year, spend an evening reading through each special moment.  You’ll feel like the richest person in the world.

3-Say it.  Get in the habit of saying “thank you”, to everyone you interact with…the barista, the security guard, your coworkers — even those you don’t get along with.  And don’t forget to thank yourself — self-love is an important part of maintaining a positive outlook — and taking time to appreciate your own accomplishments, achievements, and successes can help with that.  “I appreciate you” is a great ending to almost any email or text!

4-Let gratitude tuck you in at night.  Before going to bed, try opting out of scrolling through what everyone else in the world is doing, and instead, journal about a positive event from today. It may be as small as, “I got out of the house without spilling my coffee”, or as grandiose as realizing a long-term goal — but no matter the significance, get in the habit of writing the positives down.

“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.”– Henry Ward Beecher

And who knows, your own attitude of gratitude may be just the encouragement someone else needs. Don’t be surprised if, as you grow in expressing gratitude, that others will want a piece of the pie.  Joy is contagious and when others seeing you living a life of physical health, mental health, sleeping deeply and enjoying healthy relationships — to name a few — they will want to learn your secret.  If not for yourself, consider developing a heart of gratitude to be a light to others and encourage them to live a new life.

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer

Receive a free resource guide for behavioral change

Are you a coach searching for tools to help clients make behavioral shifts?

Are you an HR professional looking for practical ways to help staff members grow in areas like self-awareness, communication, leadership, collaboration, and innovation?

Are you a leader wanting resources to help guide and lead your teams toward success?

If you answered yes to any of the above, consider enrolling in our online Coach Certification Course! You’ll become a certified Social + Emotional Intelligence Coach and will receive a 200-page toolkit full of exercises and activities to use with your clients, staff, and teams to help them move past hurdles that may be tripping them up in 26 difference competencies of social + emotional intelligence. This unique niche will set you apart from others who are only focusing on personality, gifting, or skill sets and open the doors for you to incorporate social + emotional intelligence into every interaction you have with others.

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“The course facilitator’s knowledge of the subject matter was excellent. She not only taught from a place of expertise and experience but also welcomed the insight of others.” — Ted Riter, Empowered Leadership, S+EI Certified Coach

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Online class dates: November 5 – November 16, 2018*

Online class time: 12-2 pm Eastern Time (USA)

Our online Coach Certification Course will certify you to coach social + emotional intelligence and administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile. It’s one of the most comprehensive, statistically-reliable and scientifically-validated S+EI instruments on the market today. The self-assessment is available in three versions: Workplace, Adult, and Youth. We also offer a 360 assessment which provides your clients with an accurate representation of what their supervisor, peers, direct reports, customers (internal and external) and others think about their performance in the 26 distinct social and emotional intelligence competencies.

As well, as part of your registration, you’ll receive 10 free self-assessments to use with clients (a $750 value) AND a 200+ page coaching toolkit, full of exercises and activities you can use to help clients, teams, and individuals increase specific competencies of S+EI.

This highly-acclaimed course can help you grow your coaching business, increase your leadership skill set, and/or enhance your offerings as a human resource professional. We have leaders, individuals, coaches, and HR reps from all around the world learn and grow from our course!

“The recommended processes for administering SEIP’s and for follow up coaching was great! The toolkit is very expansive and will be a great help as our team continues their great work in the coaching field!” — David W. Tripp, CEO, Workplace Performance Inc, S+EI Certified Coach

Our November course is a special, 2-week condensed course, to allow you to complete your certification before the busy holiday season begins. Click here for more information or to reserve a seat today:

* If these dates don’t work for you, consider our self-study course! CLICK HERE for more information.

Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence | www.the-isei.com | 303-325-5176 | info@isei.com

Online Certification in Emotional Intelligence starts September 13th!

Our next online certification in EQ coaching starts September 13th, 2018!

This highly acclaimed course will equip you to administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile, one of the most statistically-reliable social + emotional intelligence assessments on the market today. You’ll learn how to help others increase their social and emotional intelligence and push through the hurdles that may be slowing them down. And you’ll earn 12 recertification credits from the ICF, HRCI, or SHRM upon completion!

Learn more or register at: https://isei.worldsecuresystems.com/BookingRetrieve.aspx?ID=76153&_ga=2.10682612.1369961066.1535381297-1321862846.1533053345

#EQ #emotionalintelligence #socialintelligence #coachcertification

Exploding emotions: Do you know your triggers?

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

I couldn’t help myself. I knew it would be better to stay silent, to not comment, to cool down and walk away. But my frustration levels had hit an all-time high and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster as I thought about what I wanted to say…what I needed to say…what I had to say. So I opened my mouth and out it came. It’s as if I had no filter to screen out the ugly, hurtful, harmful words — they just tumbled out in a jumble of anger, resentment, and fury. I regretted them immediately as I saw the pain on my friend’s face — he didn’t deserve this lashing.  Sure, I was upset — but my lack of self-control made an already difficult situation even worse.  Now I’d inflicted hurt upon another with my sharp tongue, and both of us now felt bad.  Oh, if only I could take those words back! But the harm was done and it would take weeks to repair our relationship.

How many times do we act on impulse only to regret it later? If only we had a way to control our reactions…

Wait a minute. We do. It’s called behavioral self-control and it’s a competency of emotional intelligence. It’s that ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses at bay. It’s that capacity to stay composed, upbeat, and unflappable, even in moments where our patience is tested.  It’s the power to restrain negative reactions and keep a clear head when we’re under siege. Those who are good at this are able to maintain their composure even in high-stress situations, and when faced with hostility or opposition, remain ‘cool” under pressure. Behavioral self-control is a powerful competency to possess, and we are all capable of owning it.

But let’s admit it: some of us aren’t so good at it. We react on impulse and become angry or agitated when conflict arises. We tend to be quick to anger, defensive, and can get involved in inappropriate situations because our ability to resist the temptation of a non-constructive response is weak.

What is it that causes us to make knee-jerk reactions when our emotions are involved?

Have you ever attempted to open one of those cans of pre-made biscuit dough?  You know the drill — you peel off the paper at the “Peel Here” tab, slowly, carefully, knowing once you pull it back to where it’s sealed, the trigger, there’s no going back: the can will explode and out pops the dough. It can be a bit of an unnerving process. I’ve actually heard of people who have a fear of that impending explosion and choose to not open the cans!  Similarly, we can be afraid to open our ‘can of emotions’ as our brain has a trigger point, too. The Amygdala is located in the temporal lobes and is the part of our brain that is involved with experiencing emotions. Part of the limbic system, its primary role is to process decision-making, memory, and our emotional responses (http://brainmadesimple.com/amygdala.html). An Amygdala hijack is a phrase coined by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence, to describe an overwhelming emotional response that does not match up to the actual stimulus. Fear is usually involved. Looking back on the interaction with my friend, though my angst was understandable, my reaction was over-the-top in comparison to the reality of the situation. I exploded just like that can of biscuits, startling and disturbing both of us in the process. I experienced an Amygdala hijack. Instead of responding with reason, an emotional trigger caused me to, in the moment, experience fear, then determine that the situation was of much greater significance than it actually was.  The result? I said things that weren’t exactly the most beneficial to our relationship.

“He who blows his top loses all his thinking matter.” – Chinese proverb

We all explode from time to time. Losing it is natural, and normal if you will — but not conducive to building healthy relationships.  The good news is that behavioral self-control is something we can grow in, even if we’re pretty bad at it.

A good place to start is to keep an emotional mood journal.  It doesn’t have to be anything fancy — just grab a piece of paper and a pen and/or your cell phone memo pad and start taking note of how you’re feeling in the moment…and why you’re feeling it.  Go ahead and try it — right now, how are you feeling?  Try to be specific with the emotion — especially around the negative ones. Instead of “mad”, maybe you’re frustrated, or disgruntled, or discouraged, or just plain tired.  Alongside the emotion, write down what you think the cause may be.  These ‘whys’ are your hot buttons — your triggers — that place where the seal on the can will burst.

Do this for several days — a week maybe — and look back over your entries to see if you notice any trends. Are certain emotions coming up at a particular time of day (pre-coffee, maybe?).  Are they only when you’re around a certain person? Are they occurring when you feel stress, or a pending deadline, or are they arising when you’re fearful about something? Jot down any patterns you observe.

Once we are aware of the emotions we are feeling, and when we’re feeling them, we then can move to managing our behavior. In week two, write down how you react when you are feeling these emotions. Do you get quiet? Do you say something mouthy? Do you stuff the feeling down deep and distract yourself with something else? Do you eat? Do you get negative and depressed? After noticing your reactions, note whether your reaction is helping the situation or making it worse. Then do a damage report. Access the destruction your actions are causing, on yourself and on your relationships with others. Sometimes, unfortunately, it takes seeing the harm we are doing to spur us to make a different choice.

“Anyone can become angry — that is easy.  But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, and the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — this is not easy.” — Aristotle

The next step is to begin to look for new and more positive responses to those emotions. Brainstorm what  you could do differently and write these down. Post these somewhere where you can see them throughout the day. If the biscuits would stay fresh, I’d recommend setting a can on your desk as a reminder of how quickly an Amygdala hijack can occur — and how powerful the explosion can be. Maybe just download a picture and keep handy to serve as an admonition. When that old familiar feeling arises, glance at the photo and check your list. Take a breath, pause, and choose the response you want rather than reacting. Easier said than done, I know. Working with a trained social + emotional intelligence coach can help with this process.

“Our ability to pause before we react gives us the space of mind in which we can consider various options and then choose the appropriate ones.” — Daniel Siegel

Finally, once you’re able to respond to these emotions in a more constructive manner, note how you feel after making better choices. With most skill sets, practice makes perfect. Well, in this case, you won’t be perfect, but with practice you can start down the road toward behavior change, improving your mental well-being and making choices that lead to happier, healthier relationships. And maybe take some of the fear out of opening that can.

 

 

Learn to coach emotional intelligence!

DATE: Thursdays, September 13 – November 1, 2018

TIME: 3-4:30 PM (ET)

LOCATION: Online

Event Details

Learn to coach social and emotional intelligence and become certified to administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP)®.

By completing the Coach Certification Course, you will earn 12 recertification credits from the ICF, HRCI, or SHRM. This course is conveniently delivered online by webinar, so there’s no need for expensive travel or time out of the office. Classes meet once a week for eight weeks. Each class is an action-packed 90 minutes, highly interactive, with a variety of case studies discussed. Class participants report they learn a great deal from their colleagues in the classes, as well as from their expert instructor.

Our full 8 week class is priced at $1,799 and includes:

  • Our course workbook (”toolkit”) with 200+ pages of worksheets, exercises and other tools you can use to bring social and emotional intelligence training and coaching into your practice
  • Customizable PowerPoint presentation
  • Certification to administer both the self and 360-versions of The Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile-Self (SEIP)®, the most comprehensive, statistically-reliable, scientifically-validated instrument on the market today. This includes the Work, Adult and Youth Editions.
  • 12 recertification credits (ICF, HRCI, or SHRM)
  • 10 free Self-SEIP® credits

Classes are kept small and availability is limited, so register today!

Attendees are expected to attend all 8 sessions, but we record the sessions in case you need to miss a class or two.

 

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Free webinar: How to coach emotional intelligence

Free Webinar Thursday, September 6
Time: 4-5 pm Mountain Time (USA), 6-7 pm Eastern time (USA)
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER
This FREE online class (delivered via webinar) is designed to give you an overview of social and emotional intelligence, its history, and its impact on individual lives, relationships, and employee engagement. We’ll show you how coaches are expanding their practice and helping their clients build stronger companies with social and emotional intelligence and how HR reps are bringing social and emotional intelligence into the workplace. It’s a preview look at what you will learn in our online Coach Certification Courses.

The first 20 people who register and attend this online class will receive a FREE Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile®, to begin your own journey down the path of social and emotional intelligence.

– Grow your business; attract more clients
– Stake out a new niche
– Expand your coaching expertise skills and knowledge

“Leaders with higher social & emotional intelligence produce more powerful business results and greater profitability.” –Steven Stein in Emotional Intelligence of Leaders: A Profile of Top Executives, Leadership & Organization Development Journal, 2009

As a coach, leader, or HR rep, you can positively change a person or an organization’s culture by improving their social and emotional intelligence. And the beautiful thing is that social and emotional intelligence can be learned! Through the Institute for Social + Emotional Intelligence (ISEI)®, you will learn how to use and effectively administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile (SEIP)® to help clients:

– Become more aware of their impact on the people around them
– Learn to manage their emotions — anger and frustration — more productively
– Manage conflict more effectively
– Develop people skills (including communication and interpersonal skills)
– Learn techniques to build trust in the organization and its leadership

4 Disciplines Create “The Advantage” for Growth

Article submitted by guest author Pam Watson Korbel

In my years of consulting, a few common issues arise for small and medium-sized businesses that always inhibit their growth:

  • Infighting among the executive team;
  • Failure to get out of the weeds and take the time to plan for growth;
  • Poor communication cadences leading to problems with culture and productivity;
  • Lack of appreciation for the need for a strong employee base.

One book tightly delves into all these topics – The Advantage (Jossey Bass, 2012) by Patrick Lencioni.   Known as a fable writer, in this book Lencioni focuses instead on the “how to’s” of organizational health.  I recommend it for executive teams in any industry.

Building upon the same premises that Jim Collins (Built to Last and Good to Great) and Verne Harnish (Scaling Up and Mastering the Rockefeller Habits), The Advantage starts out by laying a foundation of four disciplines necessary for strong organizational health:

1.  Build a cohesive leadership team – Anecdotally, I have found that when members of a leadership team spend a lot of time together, professionally and socially, their growth rate is faster than those who do not.  Interestingly, the personal bonds often spur the commitment to the business more than the professional bonds.  Lencioni espouses team building and makes a strong point that it is a process not an event.

2.  Create clarity – Lencioni lays out six strategic questions that every leadership team needs to answer on behalf of the company.  Beyond answering “why” the firm exists and what the culture is, the Lencioni system provides a framework for setting priorities.

Most importantly, it helps a leadership team to focus on less than a handful of matters at a time; completing them before it progresses to a new set of priorities.  In my experience, mid-market companies fail to advance when everything needs to be done today.  I have seen many companies improve revenue and profit just by reducing the number of initiatives for the company and for individuals.

3.  Overcommunicate clarity – Smart people who lead entrepreneurial growth companies often assume that their employees are as smart and agile as they are.  Generally, the employees who fit this description leave your company and start their own.  Which leaves you with people who want stability and consistency along with understanding of priorities.  And that requires that you develop a strong communication system within your company so that employees always know what is important and then they can execute.

4.  Reinforce clarity – The Advantage concludes by laying out a foundation of hiring the right employees who fit your culture and then providing high-quality feedback to each so that they are motivated to excel.  Especially in today’s knowledge-based industries, involving staff in decisions and direction keeps them motivated.  And as Ken Blanchard (The One-Minute Manager) says, “None of us is as smart as all of us.”

The bottom-line is that reading and implementing The Advantage in your company is a simple, direct way to encourage financial growth while engendering a strong team of supporters.  Lencioni lays out a process to address the four disciplines and implement them that leadership teams can manage effectively with coaching.

You can study this system by reading the book and you should also check out The Advantage app, which includes an overview of the content plus an organizational health assessment. For help with the four disciplines and implementing The Advantage, contact Pam Watson Korbel.

Tune in to today’s discussion: S+EI & Personal Power

Do you or your clients struggle with exercising personal power?

Click here to have a listen to today’s Virtual Coach Coffee as 8 expert social + emotional intelligence coaches engaged in a rich discussion around the topic!

 https://vimeo.com/portfolio/868622/settings/videos

#emotionalintelligence #EQ #coaching #coachcertification #socialintelligence

Upcoming EQ Coach Certification

Register today to secure a seat in our upcoming Coach Certification Course and become a certified Social + Emotional Intelligence Coach! Upon completion of this online course, you’ll receive 12 recertification credits from the ICF, HRCI, or SHRM, and be certified to administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile®, one of the most statistically-reliable and scientifically-validated S+EI assessments on the market today!

Click here to learn more or register:  https://isei.worldsecuresystems.com/BookingRetrieve.aspx?ID=75666&_ga=2.202564948.432306638.1528727301-1952273065.1507918976

#coaching #emotionalintelligence #socialintelligence #coachcertification

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