Archive for the ‘Mindfulness’ Category

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Online class dates: November 5 – November 16, 2018*

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Our online Coach Certification Course will certify you to coach social + emotional intelligence and administer the Social + Emotional Intelligence Profile. It’s one of the most comprehensive, statistically-reliable and scientifically-validated S+EI instruments on the market today. The self-assessment is available in three versions: Workplace, Adult, and Youth. We also offer a 360 assessment which provides your clients with an accurate representation of what their supervisor, peers, direct reports, customers (internal and external) and others think about their performance in the 26 distinct social and emotional intelligence competencies.

As well, as part of your registration, you’ll receive 10 free self-assessments to use with clients (a $750 value) AND a 200+ page coaching toolkit, full of exercises and activities you can use to help clients, teams, and individuals increase specific competencies of S+EI.

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“The recommended processes for administering SEIP’s and for follow up coaching was great! The toolkit is very expansive and will be a great help as our team continues their great work in the coaching field!” — David W. Tripp, CEO, Workplace Performance Inc, S+EI Certified Coach

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Turn, Turn, Turn

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

It’s that time of year in Colorado when the aspens turn.  Entire hillsides are ablaze with the bright golden glow of shimmering aspen leaves, dancing their final performance before they flutter to the ground and rest for the winter.  Carloads of leaf-peepers flock to the mountains to catch a glimpse of this stunning transformation of yellow and orange before the first snowflakes begin to fall.

Seasons come and go, both in nature and in our human existence. Change is inevitable, and in many circumstances, there’s not much we can do to stop it.  Many of us invite the start of a new season and the unknown adventures it holds– but how adaptable are we when a call for change beckons in our personal or professional lives?

The ability to initiate, manage and lead change is a competency of emotional intelligence.  People who are good at this tend to recognize the need for change ahead of time, and look for ways to make it happen.  They remove the barriers that may slow things down even if it means challenging the status quo.  They’re not afraid to stand up to opposition — even more, they’re good at rallying others to champion the change along with them by setting an example of mental agility and flexibility.

Those who struggle — and this may be most of us — tend to ask things like, “Aren’t things fine the way they are?”, or make comments like, “This is the way we’ve always done things around here” and “It’s worked up ’til now — why change it?” They tend to lack the ability to keep an open mind when major adjustments are made and are often blindsided when a shift occurs.

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” ― Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, author of Frankenstein. 

Whether we embrace change or invite change–it’s going to happen.  As made popular by the folk-rock group, The Byrds, the song, “Turn, Turn, Turn”, written by Pete Seeger, was a 1950’s adaption of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and paints a clear picture of how there is a season for the different aspects of life — and that these seasons will come and go.

“To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven…”

Resisting change is like resisting the clock to move forward.  Change will and is happening all around us. Where will you be when it does? Will you be the one kicking and screaming or the one out in front guiding others toward the new directives?  Can you learn to go with change, thrive in change, and even lead change?

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

Here are some tips if you’re prone to resist change to the point that it’s beginning to limit your development or trip you up.

  • Reflect on your current state of affairs — dive into areas like professional relationships, personal relationships, achievement of goals, satisfaction, excitement for life, financial comfort, contentment, stress levels, etc., and ask yourself, “How’s that working for you?”  Note any areas that could be improved upon.
  • Challenge the status quo. Ask yourself,  “In a perfect world, what would each area of my life look like?” (Or, within your company, what would you and your teams be producing, achieving, and experiencing in a perfect world?) How would I (we) feel if I could shift things to that ideal?  What could I (we) accomplish if these changes were to occur?”
  • Brainstorm.  Which small shifts could you make to turn these areas of life in a new direction?  No matter how crazy or silly the adjustments may seem, jot them down. If you’re having a hard time coming up with ideas, consider teaming up with a social + emotional intelligence coach.
  • Note the impact these small shifts may have on you and others.  Who will be impacted?  How will they be impacted?  Be sure to include both the negative and the positive potential outcomes.

Once you’ve taken these steps, it’s time to develop a written plan for change initiatives.  This plan should include:

  1. Your vision for the change.  An example vision statement template to use is, ‘I want to ____ to create _____ in my life.” Or, if the changes are for the growth of your company, ‘I want to _____ to create _____ in our organization.”
  2. A list of short-term and long-term changes that need to be made.
  3. A sense of urgency. Write down why these changes need to happen and when you’d like them to happen. Set goal dates on each step of the change initiative.
  4. A council of wisdom (friends, colleagues, a coach, trusted advisers) to provide a multitude of counsel as-needed.
  5. Strategy. Which steps will you take first?  Which steps will come next? Does this order make sense?  Check in with your council and bounce your ideas off of them. It’s OK to revise the strategy as you move forward if needed.
  6. Action Empowerment.  What hurdles are keeping you from making the change needed?  What hurdles are keeping your teams from making the changes needed?  Learn what needs to be adapted to allow for action to take place.
  7. Collaboration. Communicate these changes with those who will be impacted.  Be sure to communicate clearly your vision and how they are to be involved, as well as how the changes will positively impact them. Make sure each team member understands their role and what’s expected of them to help make the changes happen. Ask for their input, their thoughts, their reactions. Let them know you are there to support them as you navigate the new paths ahead.
  8. Celebration.  Develop a plan for congratulations to yourself and your team members as you hit short-term goals.  Maybe it’s a Friday morning coffee to talk about forward movement, or a weekly happy hour, or a quarterly lunch to celebrate successes.
  9. Anchoring.  Are there shifts in your routine you’ll need to adopt to allow the change to be a part of your daily life?  Are there shifts in the culture of your organization that need to be made to incorporate the change as the new status-quo? Define what these are and see what steps you can take to create a safe space for the changes to stick.

Learning to not only adapt to change but initiate change can make room for new leaves to blossom in the next season, enabling you and your organization to grow and bloom to your greatest potential.

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Ready or not, here I come

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

Do you remember playing hide-and-go-seek?

My brothers and I spent countless summertime evening hours in our grassy backyard, hiding.  The old ash tree was base, and the person who was “It” would begin counting, to 200 by 5’s, face buried (no peeking) in their hands against the tree.  The rest of us would scatter, seeking out optimal hiding places where we’d never be found — behind the scraggly cedar bush, up high in the apple tree, lying flat beneath the grapevine, crouched behind the old shed. And then we’d wait.  The suspense built as “It” got closer and closer to 200, and once there, he’d turn away from the tree shouting a triumphant, “Ready or not, here I come!“, and the search was on.  One by one, “It” would flush us out of hiding, and we’d engage in a race for the tree with hopes of reaching base first.

Sometimes, or rare occasions, I’d choose a particularly amazing hideout.  I would hear the others’ screams of surprise and mock-terror as their hiding places were discovered and the race for base ensued. I would sit still, not moving a muscle, barely breathing, proud of myself that I’d found such a good spot, though my crouched legs began to ache. I became aware that I was quite alone in the dark. It didn’t take long for the thrill being the last one to be found to turn into frustration, boredom, and isolation.  I was separated from the others running around, laughing and chatting together, while I just cowered there doing nothing. The longer I stayed in hiding, the less fun I had and the more fun everyone else was having without me.  I knew it was time to come out of hiding and make a break for home base.  But–was it worth it?  What if I was tagged before I made it home? I knew I could leverage my strength of speedy legs, and if it came down to an all-out sprint, I’d win. But only if I had the element of surprise.  I’d hover there, silent and still, poised to run, contemplating when was the best time to make a dash for freedom. Finally, when I couldn’t take the seclusion anymore, I’d leap up and fly as fast as my feet would carry me toward the old ash tree.

Does this story have a point?

It does.

Hiding works for a while but after too long it gets old.  We as humans desire to be seen, known, and understood, but oddly we are very good at hiding.  Especially from ourselves.

“The vast majority of adults have never met themselves.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Accurate self-assessment is a competency of emotional intelligence.  It’s having an inner awareness of our strengths and limitations…knowing ourselves fully. It takes honesty and at times, a brutal truthfulness about where we shine and where we stumble. It often requires us to uncover, peel back, and reveal who we really are, no matter how this exposure make us feel about ourselves. But discovering our true selves, especially the not-so-pretty parts, can be downright scary.  What if we don’t like what we find?  What if others don’t like what they find? It often seems much easier to find a place to hide and stay there, crouching, in the dark.

This great cover up takes many shapes and forms.  Some of us hide ourselves in too much work. Others hide behind success, or a lack of success. Some of us take comfort in plastering a smile on our faces and never speaking our truth. Some hide behind humor, or drama, or complacency. We all do it in some shape or form.  No matter how developed your emotional intelligence is, it’s likely that some part of you is shrouded.  And it’s your choice to stay there.  But until you leap up and make a break for it, you may never reach the freedom of home base.

Are you willing to take a hard look at your blind spots? Vironika Tugaleva, author of The Art of Talking to Yourself, says this: “To know yourself, you must sacrifice the illusion that you already do.” I know, it’s easier to lay low, and not delve into our areas of growth.  Out of sight, out of mind.  That’s better, right?

Though it may seem easier to hide, staying hidden, unknown, and unseen becomes excruciating if it lasts too long. Hiding leads to a lack of self-awareness and separate us from knowing ourselves, and being a part of community, two factors that take a toll on our emotional health. In an article entitled, How Your Self-Awareness Affects Everything You Do, author Phillip Clark says this: “Altogether, self-awareness contributes to a leader’s emotional intelligence, which plays a critical part in their ability to effectively convey messages, recognize motivations, understand emotions, and manage relationships.” (https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/26329-leadership-behavior-self-awareness).

Knowing ourselves fully by coming out of hiding may be one of the toughest things we do. But it’s the only way we can develop a sense of accurate self-awareness and be fully engaged in our relationships.  So how do we make the break for home base?

1-Identify why you’re hiding.   One good way to unveil the whys is to look at your fears, and list them out. Our fears can indicate what is important to us — what we fear we might lose.  Journal about what you are afraid of.  Maybe it’s a loss of financial freedom, or feeling insignificant, or failure. No matter how ‘silly’ they may sound, allow yourself to admit these fears are there.  We all have them and figuring out what they are is a great first step.

 “To know a species, look at its fears. To know yourself, look at your fears. Fear in itself is not important, but fear stands there and points you in the direction of things that are important. Don’t be afraid of your fears, they’re not there to scare you; they’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” — C. JoyBell C.

2-Recognize and name your hiding places. You know where they are — you’ve most likely been crouching in them for years.  Mine is entertainment — when I’m laughing, and having a good time, I can pretend my stress and anxieties don’t exist. And if I fill my time with enough entertainment, then I’ll never have to face my fears, right? If you’re having trouble pin-pointing your hiding spots, ask a trusted friend.  Often the areas that are blind spots can be brought into the light with the help of someone who is close to you.

All of us make mistakes. The key is to acknowledge them, learn, and move on. The real sin is ignoring mistakes, or worse, seeking to hide them. ” — Robert Zoellick

3-Weigh the risks. The hiding space you’ve created may be quite comfortable at this point, but you’re going to have to risk leaving it to discover the real you.  Ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that could happen if I leave?  What’s the worst thing that could happen if I leave?’ A simple way to work up some bravery is to list out your strengths and areas of growth. For each, write down an example of when that strength or area of growth showed up in your life, to determine if it’s real or just something you’ve concocted in your head.  Ask yourself, “Are there real examples of when these strengths or areas of growth appeared, and if so, what were they, when did they happen, and with whom?” Take a good look at these, then try to make peace with them.  We all have our good qualities and not-so-good qualities, and sometimes seeing them on paper help put them into perspective.

In life, we must choose to quiet ourselves and go through a period of reflection, an instance in time for evaluating our strengths vs. our weaknesses, an interval in time for recognizing the real from deceit, a moment in time for making necessary life adjustments for personal welfare. It’s through such, we begin to know ourselves.” –D. Allen Miller, author of Scarlet Tears

4-Leverage your strengths. Like I knew my speedy legs would carry me to home base, your strengths can be the very thing that help you run toward the freedom of accurate self-assessment. For example, if you have good people skills, are you using those relationship strengths to connect with others? Do you eat lunch alone or sit with your colleagues? Are you using your interpersonal skills to build rapport with coworkers and team members, or keeping them all to yourself? Take a closer look at your strengths and brainstorm ways you could begin leveraging them. Our greatest successes tend to come from putting ourselves in a place where we can express our strengths.  It’s important you know what they are and how to use them. If you struggle with this, enlisting the help of a social + emotional intelligence coach may help.

The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world.” –Toni Collette

5-Go.  At some point, you just have to make a break for it.  No one else can make the decision for you to come out of hiding.  But it’s the only to grow in this area of accurate self-assessment. It’s up to you whether you will — but ready or not, you’ll be on your way to seeing yourself a little more clearly and opening up the opportunity to connect more deeply with others.

He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”  — Lao Tzu

 

 

 

 

Do you have a blind spot?

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

I knew I was in trouble within the first 50 yards.

It was mid-summer and I’d been riding for a good two months. In early spring, I had taken up the new-to-me sport of mountain biking, learning the basics from an experienced friend then getting out there and hitting the trails as soon as the snow melted. I embarked upon easy, rambling, single-track paths that cut through scenic groves of aspen, across meadows, and into deep mountain forests, with very few inclines or technical spots to maneuver through. These were beginner trails, but I was having so much fun I kind of missed the fact there were differing levels of terrain. I so enjoyed the breathtaking views and healthy ‘burn’ in my legs from pedaling for an hour at a time. I was feeling like a rock star navigating these routes with ease. So, I did what any brand-new rider would do (not): I registered for the Winter Park Mountain Bike race series.

The first race of the series was an altitude ride, starting at 8500 feet, approximately 10 miles long with an elevation gain of 2500 feet. I had a decent bicycle, a hard tail, but one that was much more lightweight than my previous hand-me-down bike, and with my thrift store biking shorts and colorful, sleeveless top with pockets in the back, I felt well-prepared for the competition. Water — check. New cleats on my shoes — check. Energy snacks in pocket — check.  There was a chill in the air on morning of the race, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the cool temperatures at elevation or from the pre-race jitters. I was excited to be a part of the athletic, well-toned crowd of participants that gathered at the start, giddy that I’d so quickly become a mountain biker!

The starting gun exploded, and we were off. The first 50 yards were uphill, and within minutes my legs were weak, my lungs were screaming, and I found myself immediately falling to the back of the several hundred women riders. Huh?  I’d been training…!? And in the back is where I stayed. Within the first couple of miles, I was exhausted, mentally and physically, a jumble of embarrassment, fear that I might not be able to finish, and sheer physical fatigue. I fought off the cry-feeling as I struggled to tackle the steep hill climbs, the rocky, uneven paths, the stream crossings, and the lack-of-oxygen at elevation. I wrecked. I wrecked again.  A woman who looked to be well over 80 years of age whizzed by me, as did a young girl with a pink dinosaur helmet. I lost one of my cleats which enabled one of my furiously-pedaling feet to fly off the pedal each time I hit a bump — which was every few seconds. I couldn’t help but have the “da da da, da da, da” tune spinning ’round in my head, visualizing the Wicked Witch of the West frantically pedaling through the tornado on her old bicycle. On one sharp corner, I sailed right off the trail, landing in a tangle of brambles. As I attempted to climb one particular hill, I came to a complete stop and had to walk my bike the rest of the way. I got stuck in the muck of the water crossings and even did an “end-o” when I hit a large rock square on, landing flat on my back, knocking the wind out of me, as the few riders behind me quickly swerved to not run me over. It was obvious: I was in way over my head.  My leg was bleeding, my fingers ached from my death-like grip on the handlebars, and my mental well-being was, well, not so well. I was completely overwhelmed. As I passed one of the last water stations, I could hear the volunteer deliver a static message on the walkie-talkie as they started packing up the table: “That’s the last one”. Wow. Last place. Me — last? I never get last place! This thought again triggered the cry-feeling. After what seemed like an eternity, I saw the arch of the finish line ahead, glistening like the Emerald City. Very few spectators were left, as the riders they were cheering on had finished long before me. I crossed over the chalked white line, lay down my bike, collapsed in the grass, and cried.

Accurate self-assessment is a competency of emotional intelligence. It’s that inner awareness of our strengths and limitations, an ability to discern what we can and can’t do. People who have it have a good clue what they can accomplish — and what they cannot. They tend to be reflective and learn from past experiences. They are aware of their surroundings and where they fit in.

It’s something that was absent before my race, and very present at the end.

In her book Insight, Tasha Eurich makes a surprising finding after conducting a series of surveys: “95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10-15% truly are.” And the causes of this ‘miss’? Blind spots (those hidden areas where we need to grow), the ‘feel-good effect’ (we feel better when we see ourselves positively and ignore our faults), and what she calls ‘cult of self’, which is our tendency to be self-absorbed. (https://www.amazon.com/Insight-Surprising-Others-Ourselves-Answers/dp/0525573941/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534976016&sr=8-1&keywords=tasha+eurich+insight)

Regarding my mountain biking skills, prior to the race, I was obviously NOT in the 10-15 percentile. I missed. Badly. And I reaped the consequences. The humiliation and absolute, overwhelming exhaustion I experienced, not to mention how sore I was for the following week from the bumps and bruises on both my body and my ego, served as a healthy reminder of my lack of accurate self-assessment.

Where do you fall in that percentage? Are you truly self-aware of your strengths and limitations?

There are some indicators in those who struggle with this competency. They tend to want to appear right in the eyes of others and compete instead of cooperate. Teamwork and collaboration skills may be low (one of the areas I struggle with!). They often won’t ask for help and exaggerate their own contributions and efforts. Those that are low in this emotional intelligence competency often set unrealistic, overly ambitions, unattainable goals, and push themselves hard, at the expense of other important aspects of their lives. Sound familiar? I see it now. I had no business entering that race — but at the time my over-inflated view of my skills and abilities took precedence.

“Because your brain uses information from the areas around the blind spot to make a reasonable guess about what the blind spot would see if only it weren’t blind, and then your brain fills in the scene with this information. That’s right, it invents things, creates things, makes stuff up!” — Daniel Gilbert

Hopefully your ability to accurately self-assess will provide valuable insight that prevents you from entering a mountain bike race that’s beyond your capability. But you may notice it crop up from time to time in other areas of your life. Maybe you commit to spending more hours on a project than you actually have. Maybe you catch yourself bragging on an accomplishment, so you look good, or are caught embellishing stories to make them sound more grandiose. Maybe…you fill in the blank. Most likely, after the fact, you’ll realize where you missed.  And if you don’t, someone will probably let you know.

Who knows, you may be that close. You could be uncovering a blind spot or two away to take your career to the next height…” — Assegid Habetwold, author of The 9 Cardinal Building Blocks: For Continued Success in Leadership

Is there hope for those of us who struggle with this competency? Of course. We’re talking about behavior, and behavior can be changed. We often just need a signal, a warning flag, an alarm which goes off when it’s time to make a shift. How to develop this sort of intuition? For starters, try these steps:

  • Assess.  Consider taking a social + emotional intelligence assessment, or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or a 360 multi-rater assessment to learn more about your strengths and areas of growth.
  • Learn. Read a book, sign up for a workshop, or enroll in a class to learn new things. Be open to gaining fresh insights and perspectives to develop a mindset of ongoing growth and improvement.
  • Ask. Reach out to friends, colleagues, and those close to you for feedback. This is a tough one, especially if you don’t like hearing anything negative about yourself. But often the reflections of others are the only way to recognize a blind spot.
  • Reflect. Look back on past choices you’ve made, especially those that caused angst, and journal about what went right and what went wrong.
  • Monitor.  Observe and watch what others do, when they’re successful and when they fall. A Zen proverb says, “It takes a wise man to learn from his mistakes, but an even wiser man to learn from others.”

It’s always a good idea to consider teaming up with a social + emotional intelligence coach to ensure you make progress as you head down the trail to more accurate self-assessment.

Though simple, these steps may just be what you need to move into the 10-15% of self-aware people in this world. And it may save you from unnecessary bumps and bruises that blind spots can cause — which some of us, ahem, no names mentioned, were not able to avoid.

We all have blind spots – those areas for improvement and growth. As painful as it can be to admit we’re doing things we never wanted to do and saying things we never wanted to say, it is this acknowledgement that enables us to take the first step toward change. Be gentle with yourself. Be real with yourself. Take baby steps.” — Rhonda Louise Robbins

The desire to inspire

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

My very first boss made me laugh. Hard. As in, sometimes I’d have to leave the room to regain my professional composure because of one of his antics. And not only was he funny, he was a clear communicator, and praised my work with specific encouragement. He complimented me in front of others and took an interest in my personal life.  He and his wife treated me like family. In return, I was more than happy to work long hours, putting in extra effort whenever I could, and even babysat his children on numerous occasions in my free time.

He was an inspiring leader.

And in being so, I was motivated to develop a strong work ethic. We accomplished a lot of great things together. He made work fun and engaging and others were envious of my job.

Are you familiar with the attributes exercise? Take a moment and think of a person who has been an inspiration to you. It could be a mentor, or a teacher, a parent, or a friend…someone who has made an impact in your life. Jot down their name, then list the qualities about them that you admire most.

Now look at the attributes you wrote down.  Do these fall under IQ, intellect quotient, or EQ, emotional quotient?  It’s most likely that the attributes you noted are a competency of the latter, social + emotional intelligence. These competencies– self-awareness, self-management, other awareness, and relationship management — have a powerful impact on us.

One competency of emotional intelligence that has far-reaching effects on others is inspirational leadership.  It’s that ability to mobilize individuals and groups to want to accomplish the goals set before them. It comes in many different shapes and forms, and there are various methods (humor, being one) that feed inspiration. People who are inspiring are able to articulate goals clearly and stimulate enthusiasm for a clear, compelling vision. They have the ability to bring people together and create a sense of belonging. They know how to create  an emotional bond that helps others feel they are part of something larger than themselves.  They are able to invoke a sense of common purpose beyond the day-to-day tasks, making work exciting and something people want to be a part of.  Does this describe you?

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” – John Quincy Adams

Each of us is capable of increasing our ability to inspire others.  But there are some hurdles that can slow us down.  Which of these tends to trip you up?

  • You don’t have a clear vision for the future of your team/organization
  • You lose the big-picture view of the organization and get lost in the weeds
  • You aren’t a good team player
  • You are not passionate about your work or those you work with, thus aren’t able to create a sense of passion in others
  • You too often think your opinion is more important than others’ opinions
  • You tend to think work should be a “one-man-show” … you lead, they follow
  • You … (fill in the blank with your own stumbling block)

What’s great about emotional intelligence is that these competencies can be learned and developed.  If you’d like to become more inspiring as a leader, finding a social + emotional intelligence coach can be an asset.  As well, consider these tips:

  • Figure out what your vision is for your personal life as well as the vision of the organization you work with. Not sure?  Ask yourself, “What am I passionate about?  What is my company passionate about?”
  • Learn to put words to that vision and articulate it in a way that expresses your feelings around the vision.
  • Don’t be afraid to challenge the status-quo.  Be creative; come up with fresh and innovative perspectives.
  • Ask yourself what you admire in a leader (the above attributes exercise will help!) so you can develop your own definition of inspirational leadership.
  • Open up high-level discussions to include your team members and value their input as substantive and valuable.
  • Look for ways to create opportunities for ownership in your vision with your team members.
  • Give specific compliments and don’t hold back praise for work well done. Most people thrive on kind words.
  • Avoid micro-managing, and give capable team and group members latitude to move things forward without needing your stamp of approval on each step of the project.
  • Evaluate if you are living in integrity — do your actions match your values? People are inspired by those who live out their belief systems in their day-to-day activities.
  • Keep it fun.  People like to laugh.  A sense of humor can go a long way in creating an engaging work environment.

Here I am, twenty five years later, and I still remember the gift of inspirational leadership my first boss bestowed upon me. And now, as I lead my own teams, I find myself trying to emulate his style to hopefully inspire those I work with.  Inspirational leadership has far-reaching effects that can carry over to the next generation of employees. Let’s all commit to taking a step forward in this competency this week.

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Adams

That thing called integrity

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

Integrity is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence. Yet, “studies have found that we are quite willing to cheat for monetary gain when we can get away with it. We also tend to lie to about 30 percent of the people we see in a given day.”

Do you maintain high standards of honesty and ethics? Are there times when you choose not to and are you aware of those triggers that ‘allow’ you to choose a ‘lower road’?

Read more in this terrific article by Christian B. Miller: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_can_we_become_better_humans?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=d4dd3fb1e5-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_May+23+2018&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-d4dd3fb1e5-70747947

 

Add EQ Coaching to your expertise!

  Online Coach Certification Course

DATE: Wednesdays, June 13 – August 1, 2018

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How can I help?

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

They bought me a car.

It happened a number of years ago, as I was putting myself through grad school, going to classes at night and on the weekends, working two jobs during the day, and somehow trying to find time to spend with my three kids as a single mom. Times were a little tough financially though we always found ways to make ends meet and have fun while we were at it. We’d driven our tired, old red Subaru, “Bessie”, into the ground. She was limping along, radiator problems and engine troubles, and was held together by duct tape in several places on the bumper. Some dear friends of mine found out — friends I had known in college and hadn’t seen for 15+ years — and called me up one night and said, “We’re buying you a new car.  Go out and figure out what you want, then let us know. We’ll cover everything.”

Who buys someone a car?!

The simplest way to explain it would be to say that servant leaders focus on identifying and meeting the needs of others rather than trying to acquire power, wealth and fame for themselves.” — Kent Keith, former CEO of Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership

Have you ever met those people who just seem to think of others first? Those that want to make a difference in others’ lives and pursue opportunities to impact others for the better? Having a service orientation is a competency of those with strong emotional intelligence. People who possess this amazing quality anticipate, recognize, and meet others’ needs. Not only do they notice when someone is in need — they respond. Those who are strong in having a heart to serve others seem to understand what others are lacking before the need arises and have an uncanny ability to grasp the perspective of others, quickly, and readily take action to help. They creatively look for ways to make others’ lives more comfortable — and do so with a willing attitude.

I want to be like this.

Many of us, on the other hand, tend to focus on our own objectives most of the time. We don’t exactly want to go out of our way to help someone and often think, “This isn’t my problem”, or, “They should’ve made better choices so they wouldn’t be in this predicament”. If someone needs our help, we may offer “easy-way-out help” — solutions that don’t require a great deal of time, effort, or money on our part. We tend to not want to go above and beyond for others, unless there’s something in it for us.

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” –Charles Dickens

Why would we want to develop an attitude of service? One reason is that it simply brightens the other person’s day…and not just theirs but of those around them! For example, if someone at the bus station doesn’t have enough money for a ticket, and you step in and buy them one — most likely they’ll tell their friends/family later that day about the awesome thing that happened to them today, spreading the cheer. Give the check-out lady a compliment on how you appreciate your positive attitude and most likely she’ll exhibit that positive attitude with the next customer — and the next. Helping your coworker on a task which feels overwhelming to them will relieve them of the stress they’re carrying and result in less stress they bring home to their loved ones. Doing kind things for others can be the very thing that turns someone’s bad day into a good one. And knowing we’ve turned someone’s day around can only lift our own spirits.

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” — Maya Angelou

Another outcome of having a heart of service is that it transforms us. Servant leadership helps us switch from an outlook of lack to an outlook of abundance. In Nipun Mehta’s article Five Reasons to Serve Others, published in YES magazine in 2012, we learn that when we begin to serve others, we discover the “full range of resources” at our disposal — not only financial gifts but our time, presence, and attention — and can begin to discover  opportunities to serve – everywhere — enabling us to operate from a place of abundance instead of scarcity. Abundant-thinking helps us build trust more easily, welcome competition, embrace risks, and stay optimistic about the future…all great qualities for a leader to possess.

In Robert Greenleaf’s book, Servant Leadership, he outlines ten principles of servant leadership.  Which of these could you stand to improve in?

  1. Listening
  2. Empathy
  3. Healing
  4. Awareness
  5. Persuasion
  6. Conceptualization
  7. Foresight
  8. Stewardship
  9. Commitment to the growth of others
  10. Building community

You may not feel you are wired for service oriented-leadership, but there are simple steps you can take to enhance your relationships with an attitude of service.

  • Become a better listener.  Listen for meaning and suspend your judgments and opinions unless asked. Most people are longing to be heard and understand — just tuning into others when they speak can help with that.
  • Be available. Carve out time in your schedule to “be” with others, simply enjoying the time with them. And put down that phone while you’re at it!
  • Offer compliments. Kind words are such a gift! A proverb says, “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Be on the lookout for sincere compliments you can offer another.
  • Make a giving list.  Think of the people who you regularly interact with — and ask yourself, “How can I help?” Jot down their names, and beside their name, write down one thing you could do for them to satisfy one of their needs, hopes, or dreams. It could be buying them their favorite coffee or inviting them to lunch.  Then go do it!
  • Keep your promises. You might not think of this as a way to give to others, but being true to your word, reliable, and someone others can count on is an act of service in and of itself.

I felt like the luckiest and most-loved girl in the world the day my friends bought us the car. Their kindness had a powerful, positive impact on our family, and ever since we have looked for ways to give back to others, so they too can experience the joy we did. You may not ever have the financial means to buy someone a car…most of us don’t…but we can find small and simple ways to serve others in our everyday lives.

I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”  — Albert Schweitzer

Positive Psychology Interventions ~ Your Fun, Life-Altering Positivity Strategies

Article contributed by Dr. Judy Krings

Do you like to celebrate positive experiences, dates, and events?

Are you a romantic like me, or do these occasions feel like just another day? Or perhaps you take more pleasure in future visioning?

I think of remembering any positive event in my life as “positive emotion-memory-worthy.” You don’t need to or have to, but it’s fun. This suggestion is not the call for you to modify your attitudes or behaviors, if you don’t choose to. But perhaps take a pause and consider “looking for the good or what is right about your life.” Past, present and future. Heck that’s a PPI right there!

 

 

My favorite PPI is to notice and savor all the 10 Positive Emotions (PE’s) in my life. Sometimes I choose one PE a week, and sometimes I look for all ten in one day to challenge myself. Great pleasure! To refresh your memory, here are the ten PE’s: Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Awe, Amusement, Hope, Pride, Inspiration, and the culmination of them all, Love.

Sometimes this means celebrating holidays with a new awareness. For me it is often recalling a happy memory of my mom and the rest of my family. Or my last dog, Rocky. Or planning for some fun in the future with friends. PE’s blow up my balloon of life positivity, So do Positive Psychology Interventions (PEI’s).

What are Positive Psychology Interventions?

They are activities or exercises that have been shown scientifically to increase your Positive Emotions. They also strengthen your feelings of well-being, improve your health and your life satisfaction. More good news? There are tons of them! What makes PPI’s important is they are not self-help mumbo-jumbo. They have been tested and are evidence-based. That is, we know they work scientifically.

It is important to note that different PPI’s work for some better than others. How cool and fun to discover the ones that really help you thrive. Also interesting to note: TIME. Some folks are like me and love to use the intervention of “Positive Reminiscence.” That is, we are sentimental and love to take joy in our photography and our PAST experience. Some folks like to focus on the NOW and bask in the PPI’s of the moment. Others love to feel PPI’s as they look to the FUTURE, like planning a super vacation.

As I began to type this blog, me, the romantic, remembered the day this blog will be posted is February 20th. This happens to be Ken’s and my 29th anniversary. I am choosing to close my eyes and savor that sunny day we were married in French Polynesia. It was the grandest happy day of my life. Beautiful, meaningful, and our gratitude soared.

 

 

It is sad for me say my son Sean’s birth was not my happiest day. I wanted it to be and planned for it to be. Alas, cognitively it was surreal, but the rest of my body was not offered the opportunity to share my heady enthusiasm. Due to complications, I had a c-section, and I was knocked out with a general anesthetic. I was sicker than a dog when I awoke. I thought the nausea and bowel obstruction pains would never end.

I awoke to no baby and was scared to death. Finally a nurse came in to my room, me in panic. “Where was my baby?” dismayed me blurted out. I had been too sick and out of it to have him in my room. I remember being thrilled to the heavens when I finally got to see and hold him. To count his fingers and toes and to see the double crown on his head and the shape of his hands. I knew then he was ours. Joyful and grateful and blissful, yes, positive emotions finally surfaced. And great meaning, of course. Memorable PE’s to the big time. All-encompassing LOVE, especially because three doctors in three countries told me I would never be able to have children. He was conceived on Valentine’s Day, too! So there!!! Euphoria for me and life at its most glorious…but PE’s a tad after the fact.

But I digress. (And it was Joyful!). Positive Psychology researcher, Sonja Lyubomirsky, has reported five criteria to help you understand Positive Psychology Interventions.

I’ll list the three positive ones first:

  1. Does it feel like a natural fit for you to do?
  2. Is enjoyment a by-product when you do the activity?
  3. Do you value doing it and/or do the results produce PE’s?

Here are the ones that might PROHIBIT or LIMIT your experiencing Positive Emotions from your Positive Psychology Interventions. Why? Because feeling guilty or pressured by something external factors/demands decreases PE’s.

They are:

  1. Would you have negative emotions like GUILT if you did NOT do the activity?
  2. Can you identify SITUATIONAL or EXTERNAL pressures/factors that motivate you to do something? (Rather than your own desire).

Need some Positive Psychology Intervention examples to jack up your ten Positive Emotions??

  1. Revisit your 24 character strengths. See which ones engender well-being and flourishing the most. Post them somewhere you can see them daily.
  2. Use a strength in a different way. Try a new restaurant. Make a new recipe. Or take a different path to work. Not something you usually do. Be novel!
  3. Watch a different TV channel to spark your love of learning or curiosity.
  4. Take photos of something new. Or look at how you take photos of what you like and try different angles.(Love this one!)
  5. Watch a fascinating YouTube video on a new topic.
  6. Research and listen to a different kind of music without judgement.
  7. Go shopping at a new store on online shopping site.

More interesting facts about PPI’s and some caveats:

  1. It is of utmost importance to do the activity that fits with what you LIKE or VALUE. Keep it new!
  2. The more you do an activity over time, the better the positivity effects. Note, however, that forcing yourself to write a gratitude journal every night for several weeks may cause habituation. That is, the PPI’s no longer have the power of producing well-being. if writing becomes a chore, change your PPI activity.
  3. You need to want to do it and find pleasure in doing it.
  4. Variety is imperative.
  5. If you especially enjoy a new PPI activity, that is great. Why? Implementing a PPI over an extended time period makes the PPI positivity benefits last longer. More bang for your happiness and well-being buck!
  6. Be specific. Gratitude is a great example. Being grateful for your life may not be as powerful as being grateful for your daughter drawing you a beautiful picture or your mom bringing you over a pot roast for dinner. Talking note of the little things in life matters!
  7. Mindfulness is important. Focus on your PPI activity and you will stretch your PE advantage..
  8. Choose to be proud of yourself. PRIDE is a Positive Emotion!

PE’s and PPI’s. Fun learning and well-being in a nutshell.

To cement learning, write down your PE’s and PPI’s for a week or two. Make that powerful glow of positivity shine the light longer within you!

A Fresh Start

Article Contributed by Amy Sargent

I’m always amazed how at the end of the year so many with disheartened hearts post about how ready they are for the coming year. Something about the end of December gives us renewed hope in the reset button which, with the dropping of the shiny ball in NYC, will assure us of a fresh start for the year ahead.

As I strolled along the sunny California seashore over the holidays, I realized that I too needed a fresh start. The last few months of this year I felt as if I was swimming, frantically, just to keep my head above water in churning, turbulent ocean, and by mid-December, caught a wave that dumped me into the sand like a discarded, broken shell. There I lay, exhausted and discouraged, on a lonely beach, thinking someone, something would scoop me up as their prized treasure, with the same delight a beachcomber has when he eagerly retrieves that perfect shell half-buried in the sand. Instead, I felt as though the sea had disappeared and in its place a hot, dry desert, barren of the refreshing waters of life I so enjoy, spitefully appeared. And ever since I have been wandering. My mouth is dry and my feet are burning and I am tired. Tired, of walking, walking, walking and getting nowhere, not finding that oasis I so long for. And I know many of you are feeling the same.

What I noticed at the beach this week is that at the end each day, as the sun sinks low on the horizon, the used-up, trampled-upon sand is littered with imprints of all shapes and sizes: bare feet footprints and dog footprints and shoe footprints, a stripe from a beach chair leg being dragged along, a flattened swath where a beach towel lay. Seaweed strewn across water-logged driftwood with a million bugs swarming the dark green mass. A forgotten plastic shovel and an abandoned sandal. A seagull pecking at a dead, rotting fish. Discarded sand castles, their towering walls dismantled and washed away by the relentless waves. And broken shells. Lots of them. It’s a summary of the day’s happenings, the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the wins and losses. Each of us has a colorful backstory and I reflected upon how we spend most of our life trying to hide it from others, some of us doing a rather good job in the facade. But the beach tells all. You can’t take a step there without leaving a trail.

We got up early the next morning and strolled alongside the gentle surf. The sun was new and bright as its clear light cast its first rays across the sparkling waters. And the beach! I was awed by the transformation that had taken place in the night. The once-littered sand was washed smooth by the powerful waves of the high tide. Yesterday was gone. As far as I could see, a clean slate lay before me, eagerly awaiting today’s adventures to leave their mark. I felt alive and giddy and full of hope and wonder for what the new day would bring. I found a tiny perfect sand dollar in the sand.

It’s beautiful how the beach gets a redo each morning. A fresh start.

A few days later, we arrived back home after a long, tiring car ride. The kids left to go to their dad’s, and as I sat here alone in my little apartment, I again felt the dark tug of this year’s disappointments, disillusionment and discouragement grasping at my sun-kissed heart, wanting to pull me back down into the dark waters. Something about it was familiar, and I realized how easy it would be to slip right back. For some reason it is easy to hang on to our hurts, and return to that familiar place of pain, even though it’s so far from the brightness of where we really want to be.

But I don’t want to go back there. I can’t. I refuse to look at last year’s beach littered with disappointments, discarded dreams, and discouragement another moment. Let’s resolve, together, to let the night’s waves work their magic and gift us with a clean canvas, eagerly awaiting our first strokes of paint. Let’s let the past be past and look ahead with anticipation and hope and wonder. Let’s revel in the beauty of the unknown that each new day holds and not get caught up in the fear of what may be. Let’s start walking, boldly, letting our tender feet feel the inviting warmth of the soft white sand spread before us, and let the adventure of a new year unfold. I’m stepping forward. And I hope to see your footprints in the sand next to mine.

May your 2018 be rewarding and joy-filled. Happy New Year!

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