Archive for the ‘Other Awareness’ Category

Active Listening to Avoid Conflict

Article contributed by guest author Grant Herbert.

Do you fail to listen, interrupt, or always find fault in what others say, or do you welcome mutual understanding by listening intently and allowing the sharing of information?

One of the most powerful skills that we can all have is genuine listening. It’s the key to effective communication. And for healthy relationships, it’s important to hear everything that’s being said and to be a tuned into what’s not being said so that we get the full picture and we’re able to interact and have mutually beneficial communication. This is one of the most important ingredients in Empathy.

When we get this skill to where it’s going to help us and give us a triple win, a win for us, a win for them, and a win for the greater good, we are not only interested in what we have to say and what our opinion is, but we’re open to what the other person or people have to say. And we filter that information in our logical brain to make sure that we have the entire picture to avoid misunderstanding and to avoid conflict.

Well, we’re still learning to do this well. We might be someone who interrupts all the time, where we’ve got our own agenda and we’re pushing that, and we’re not really all that interested in fully listening to what the other person’s saying. We might be giving the opinion that we are listening with our ears, but our body language and our response and reaction says that we aren’t really interested.

When we do this, we’re able to have conversations that are effective, that are mutually beneficial, and that allow us to be involved with Compassionate Empathy; to not just understand, but to be a part of the solution as well. 

So, let’s talk about some of the things that we are listening for. As we’ve already said, we’re listening to what’s being said, we’re also listening to what’s not being said. We’re listening to what’s not congruent, what doesn’t seem to add up. A lot of times, I’ll be having conversations or I’ll be communicating and what I’m saying here isn’t lining up to what I said here, and that creates confusion.

We listen for what’s needed, what’s missing, and we listen to what their goals are, what they want to achieve. By actively listening, we can also be attuned to what their strengths are so that we know where we can add value and where they’re doing okay.

So, let me give you three key tips that you can use to help you to be a more active listener and therefore, have more effective communication.

Number one, set aside your own agenda. When we have our own agenda out front, we’ve got all this noise and all this clamour going on in our mind. So, even though we are doing our best to listen, we’re not hearing. We’re filtering it through our own agenda. So, the best thing that we can do is to be totally focused on them, set aside our own agenda, and listen fully and be fully present. 

Number two is to avoid jumping in. A lot of times when I was learning to be a better communicator, someone would be talking and they could tell that all I was doing was waiting for them to take a breath so that I could jump in. I’d be trying to jump in and go, “Yeah, okay.” And every time they said a point, I’d have something to counter it with or something to add. 

So, when we avoid jumping in and leave the conversation open and collect the information in a logical way, not collecting it in a way that’s comparing it to what our beliefs are, we’re able to get the full picture. 

And number three is to reflect back what you heard. Remember last week, we talked about the communication process, being someone who is a sender, encoding their message, and sending it to a receiver. The receiver receives that information through the noise and then they decode what they thought they were communicated. And that’s where the confusion can come in.

What they then do is they encode their reaction or their response and they send it back through the noise to the original sender who is now the receiver, who decodes what they think they heard. The challenge with all that is we can make assumptions. We can think that we heard this and therefore make a belief around that, give that a meaning when in fact it may not be what was said at all.

So, by reflecting back what we think we heard, we were able to get clarification and or confirmation so that we can then move forward effectively; simple phrases like, “So, what I heard you say was…,” and then repeating what you thought they said. Now, this can be done, whether it’s verbally or whether it’s written text.

And that gives the person that you’re communicating with the opportunity to go, “Yes, that’s exactly what I said,” or give clarity and either go deeper to give further understanding or go, “No, that’s not what I meant at all. This is what I meant.” 

So, when we use these three tips, when we actively listen and we do it without assumption, we do it without jumping in, and we reflect to get clarity and confirmation, we take out all the misunderstanding and all the conflict. Active listening is a crucial component of Empathy, and one of the competencies that we teach in the work that we do in Social and Emotional Intelligence. 

Listen to the podcast here: https://youtu.be/xIxfZUKAb1o

Don’t miss the view

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

I woke early and hopped on my bicycle, barefoot, and pedaled over to the beach in the first rays of the morning light. Pinks, oranges, and purples danced across the water’s surface. Sea gulls flocked together on the shore and sat silently looking seaward, dreaming of discarded sandwiches and half-empty bags of chips. A lone heron stood on one foot, stately and elegant, and a silvery fish jumped with a splash.The waves rolled in gently and the breezes whispered promises of peace and hope. Early mornings on the beach are the stuff dreams are made of.

That is, if you look past the trash strewn across the sand, remnants of yesterday’s revels. Broken glass, empty soda cans, bags of garbage, diapers, broken chairs, plastic sand toys, dismantled canopies, busted umbrellas, fast food wrappers, grocery bags, cigarette butts, and oh, those plastic water bottle lids by the dozens.

Here’s a thing I was thinking about. If I only focused on the garbage, and believe me, there was a LOT, and reflected on what kind of people would leave such a mess, the whole beach experience would be pretty crappy. I could get on social media and yell about it, criticize, and make snide remarks, making it clear I am not “these type of people”, and how the world is going to h-e double hockey sticks because of it. I could pretend “it’s my duty to inform you” of how degenerate people are and describe in detail their dastardly ways so you, too, can jump on my bandwagon. I could word my posts in such a way which breeds fear and panic about how polluted our world is, where no one would ever want to venture out to that dangerous, scary place called the beach again.

But look at this picture. Despite the messiness, the vista was breathtaking.

With a focus bent on the negative, I could have missed it.

Or, I could consider a different perspective. I could shake my head, then get busy picking up some trash. It’s not fun. It’s actually kind of gross. It hurts my back a little, too. But doable. Instead of scorning “them”, I could choose to offer forgiveness to those who don’t know better (or maybe do and make a choice to care about things different from me). And all the while, soak in the stunning beauty which surrounds me.

Every day we read and watch nothing but negative behaviors on our news feeds. There’s some pretty awful stuff going on, hurtful and shocking and scary. Is it tainting your view of all humans? Of our country? Of this world?

And what are you doing about it? Are you helping pick up the broken pieces during these crazy times, or just kicking them around, making an even bigger mess?

I know, the trash is real, and it’s ugly. And there are dangers associated with it, and things are not as we’d like them to be, and we’re scared. But try to keep living, humanely, despite it all. It’s easy to kick around the anger, fear, and worry, spreading it to everyone you know. It’s harder to bend down and pick it up, and put it in its place.

If you feel at a loss as to what you can do to help in these unsettling times, consider picking up some of the residue left by others who are hurting, angry, and struggling. Grab a bag and carry it for them, and find a place to discard it, even if you don’t think they deserve it. Maybe it comes in the form of sending encouraging words in a text. Maybe send some money anonymously to help someone who is struggling financially. Maybe share a positive post. Maybe make someone laugh. Maybe let them know you value them. Maybe share a meal, send a gift card, or ask someone how they are doing, and take time to really listen. Discover their needs, their fears, their dreams, and figure out how to help clean up the mess. Because we all end up in messes sometimes. And we all need others to help when we find ourselves in that messy place.

And while you’re doing that, look up.The sunrise is amazing. Sure, these days you have to look a little harder to see it, but it’s there, every morning, the dawning of a new day. So lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, to the north, and to the south, and to the east and to the west. You won’t want to miss the view.

Offering kindness: An innovative way to lead

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

Not sure about you, but I’ve never once been inspired by someone’s angry, political rant. Oddly, I’m not moved to action by someone shouting at me to do/not do something. Accordingly, when someone hurls insults, calls names, or attempts to shame…again, strangely, I don’t find that motivational. Over the years, I have changed my viewpoint and actions exactly zero times as a result of that sort of behavior. You? Maybe I’m just stubborn that way.

Here’s a thought: If you really want to influence the way someone thinks, convince them that your way is best, or lead people into action, maybe consider a different approach.

Do something kind for them.Tell them what you appreciate about them, in detail. Thank them for who they are. Forgive them of past wrongs. Anonymously send them money with an encouraging note. Pray for them (all the while asking to see how you might be ‘off’). Send them a gift in secret. Treat them to coffee, or dinner, and when you’re together, do nothing but ask open-ended questions and listen. Offer respect. Validate their differing point of views, even if you don’t agree. Encourage them.

And if that’s just asking too much, consider getting out and doing something wonderful for someone else today…not by yelling, ranting, or condemning, but by showing active love. It’s kind of hard…especially when times are tough…but we can do hard things.

Yes, be smart. Be wise. Be alert. Be discerning. Be shrewd. And be kind.

Then, when you stop for a moment and glance behind you, you might be surprised by how many followers you have, looking to you to lead them, wanting to know more of how you think and learn from you.

Or, keep shouting into that social media megaphone, attacking and demeaning. It’s a choice we each get to make.

No matter how many shut downs, lock downs, viruses, conspiracies, quarantines, curfews, scandals, wars, and rumors of wars, that’s one freedom no one can take away.

13 Ways to Be More Collaborative

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

Boy, are people cranky these days! And for good reason, right? Our norms have been turned upside down, and, combined with fear, uncertainty, financial strain, and worry — it’s a sure recipe for contentiousness.

Just take a look at just about any social media page. People can post the most innocent of comments — or not — but no matter, there’s always someone, or some-many, who will jump on their soapbox and argue, call names, sling insults, and make snide remarks, sometimes just to be disagreeable. Why is it when things get tough, we tend to throw teamwork and collaboration out the window?

Some would say it’s human nature and can’t be helped.

“Bad temper is its own scourge. Few things are more bitter than to feel bitter. A man’s venom poisons himself more than his victim.” — Charles Buxton

Oxford Language Dictionary defines human nature as “the general psychological characteristics, feelings, and behavioral traits of humankind, regarded as shared by all humans.” Why, then, if it’s something we all share, are some people kindhearted, uplifting, and encouraging, while others seem prone to be the thorn in everyone’s side?

It comes down to choice.

Contrary to popular belief, we get to choose how we react to the emotions we are feeling. Every single one of us can either choose the path of collaboration, or, decide to go down the path of contentiousness. We have the choice to either fall victim to our emotions and allow them to take us down the spiral of negativism, cynicism, and criticism, or use them as a vital source of data which can lead to greater connectivity and cooperation with others, leading to healthier, happier relationships.

No matter your circumstances, no matter how tough things are, no matter how utterly frustrated you may feel, you get to choose how you respond.

Experiencing negative emotions is normal. But we don’t have to act out on them. So why does it feel like poor behavior sometimes is an automatic reaction, one that can’t be helped? The answer has to do with how our brains are wired. When presented with stimuli which trigger a strong emotion, the signal first arrives to the emotional part of your brain, and communicates that you either need to fight or take flight, without delay. It takes another six seconds for the signal to hit the rational part of your brain and allow you to use reason in choosing your next steps.[How to best manage the six seconds that can change your life (for the worse)].

If you choose to react within those first six seconds, chances are your choices may be clouded by the hot emotions you’re feeling. Those are the moments when we shoot back that feisty text, fire off a heated email, or exchange hurtful words in a disagreement. This out-of-control response is a result of an amygdala hijack, a term coined by Daniel Goleman in 1995. The amygdala, the part of the brain designed to respond quickly to  threats, in order to protect us from danger, can interfere with our functioning in our day-to-day lives where perceived threats are now rarely a matter of life and death. 

If we delay reacting by just a few more moments, allowing the brain to take the emotional stimuli and process it with the rational part of our brain, we have a much greater likelihood of making a thought-out, cooperative and productive decision. [Amygdala Hijack and the Fight or Flight Response]

Easier said than done.

Becoming a team player, and leading others toward collaboration, takes emotional intelligence, including self-awareness, self-management, other awareness, and relationship management, to pull it of. These traits often don’t come easy. But with some focused effort and the help of a social + emotional intelligence coach, you can take steps in a new direction.

If working collaboratively with others is not one of your strong points, here are some things to try to work toward  a more cooperative approach:

  • Hit pause. When you feel your temper rising, take a break. Inhale deeply, step away, take a walk — anything to give your brain a chance to bring reason to the table.
  • Look for opportunities to team up with others. Instead of going it alone on your next project, find a few others to collaborate with and let them know you’d really appreciate their input.
  • Enhance your listening skills. When others offer their insights, even if you don’t like what they’re saying, tune into what they’re trying to communicate and take a genuine interest in learning more. Understanding their motivations may help you be more open to a differing viewpoint.
  • Keep others informed as to your goals, projects, timelines, and successes along the way. Communicating with others helps them feel like part of the team.
  • Be sure to say thank you to those who are working with you. Gratitude goes a long way in building rapport with others. Some people thrive on public recognition while others appreciate a private “thanks”. Learn your team members and be generous with your appreciation.
  • Lead without dominating. Seek out ways you can ask for input and allow for time and space for others to come up with suggestions, ideas, etc…especially those who may be quieter or less assertive.
  • Give validation freely. Letting others know their input is valued, even if the ideas presented are not ones you’d necessarily incorporate, goes a long way in building a cooperative spirit. An old proverb says, “In a multitude of counselors there is safety.” A variety of ideas, even the ones which sound crazy or far-fetched, can contribute to finding successful ones.
  • When conflict arises, attempt to resolve it sooner than later. Unresolved conflict can eat away at cohesion. Though avoiding hard conversations may seem easier in the moment, they’ll need to take place eventually. The sooner you can resolve disagreements, the sooner you can move forward toward your goals.
  • Treat everyone with respect and courtesy. There’s never a time when it’s OK to be rude, distasteful, or demeaning. No matter the job title, position, or lot in life, practice treating all people with high regard.
  • Share your resources with others. Don’t be an idea-hoarder. Who knows if your insights may spark imaginative ideas in others?“

“Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than the one where they sprang up.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

  • Allow others to take credit. Your innovative ideas may spur others to come up with creative ways of doing things…so much so that they may forget the original idea came from you. That’s OK. Exercise enough personal power to not need to have all the credit all the time.
  • Empower others to be successful. Good leaders look for ways for others to be successful. Which of your behaviors turn others off? What hurdles may be keeping others from feeling like part of your team? What needs do they have? How can you go out of your way to meet those needs?
  • Get to know your colleagues. Learn their spouse’s names, ask about what their kids are up to, and seek to understand their motivations and personal interests. When team members feel understood, and appreciated, they’re much more likely to be strong contributors.

Learning to get along and work well with others will enhance your own sense of well-being, as well as contribute to happier, healthier relationships and a greater sense of community…something we all could use more of these days.

“If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.” – Henry Ford

What Services Do Servant Leaders Provide?

Article contributed by guest author Dennis Hooper.

Sometimes leaders ask if I help organizations understand and implement “servant leadership.” Maybe the individual has heard of the concept but can’t imagine how it functions, considering his or her current beliefs about leadership. I love exploring existing perspectives with inquisitive people, helping them see a more effective model and allowing them to adjust their leadership behaviors.

The most common image of leadership involves the traditional pyramidal hierarchy. Developed centuries ago, the corporate organization chart clearly identifies what portion of the empire each leader controls. “These people work for me” is the operative mental outlook. Within this framework, many leaders find it hard to consider “what can I do to serve them?”

So, let’s start thinking about servant leadership by representing the organization through a different model. Imagine how we might use a tree as a more appropriate organizational metaphor.

Visualize that the individuals who do the work on a day-to-day basis are the leaves. They are supported by the branches, which are the organization’s managers and supervisors. Top management is the trunk supporting the branches and leaves and delivering water and nutrients up from the roots. The trunk and branches provide substantial support for that portion of the organization where the “real work” is accomplished. When the winds of change blow, the trunk and roots provide stability, keeping the tree anchored firmly. The tree’s extensive root system collects revenue from customers, and the trunk delivers the needed capital equipment, raw materials, tools, and supplies to the leaves.

Through this simple paradigm shift, many individuals are immediately able to better understand the concept of servant leadership. The trunk and branches function collaboratively to ensure the health and growth of the twigs and leaves. A tree is a living organism; if any part becomes diseased, the life of the entire tree is in jeopardy.
If the organization remains healthy, the parts that do the “real work” are pushed higher, competing favorably with surrounding trees for sunlight. Growth, through increased production and reliability, is a natural desire among those doing the work. The trunk and branches grow only as much as is required to deliver the resources needed by the growing numbers of leaves.

Pyramids were never intended to grow; they were designed as tombs! Trees, however, are alive and beautiful. With apologies to Joyce Kilmer, “I think that I shall never see a pyramid lovely as a tree.”

Now, let’s consider the real-time services that you provide when you function as a servant leader. Let’s start with you as entrepreneur, gathering resources and sending up the first shoot. Leaves are added as survival seems viable. Growth occurs quickly in those first few years as the tender seedling seeks sunshine and manages to avoid consumption by insects and herbivores.

Once the organization matures, you as leader provide opportunity, resources, a healthy work environment, and clear expectations. Depending on the surroundings, you communicate direction so that everyone is empowered to achieve the inspiring vision of robust growth. When problems arise, you listen and collaborate to eliminate obstructions and obtain needed resources.

You offer coaching, feedback, respect, and expanded responsibilities. You inform everyone of the organization’s results and you invite new ideas. You offer encouragement, hope, balance, and clarity. You tell the truth. You plan so last-minute requests rarely occur. You keep promises that you’ve made. You ask people what they need, and you work to provide it.

Lest we take this model too far, let’s acknowledge that those doing the “real work” are accountable to your authority. However, the leaves rarely need to be reminded why they exist. They realize that their role–processing sunshine, water, and nutrients–is a critical function for the success of “the tree team.”

As a servant leader, you support and empower those who do the “real work” of the organization!

A Heart to Serve

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Had I really heard her correctly?

The cold months had been rough on Bessie, our red Subaru, and piece by piece, with daily driving in the harsh winter weather, my little car seemed to be falling apart. We’d had her for about five years, after buying her already well-used. Day in and day out, she carried the kids and I to and fro on our daily errands, and many a road trip, but though she was still running, was showing a good deal of wear and tear. The sunroof was splintered, the windshield was littered with cracks, and the engine was running a little rough. The brakes had started to squeak, and thanks to the lack of mature driving skills from one of my newly licensed children, she now had a nice big dent in her fender. Our family has always driven old cars, and we tended to drive them into the ground, so this was nothing new. But it was a few days after I posted on my social media page about how I was using duct tape to hold a section of her bumper together, trying to be funny,  when the phone call came.

“We want to buy you a new car.”

It was a dear old friend from college days, a kind, giving soul who always has something encouraging to say. She and her husband had decided they wanted to lay down a large portion of money to buy the kids and I a new vehicle. Being just a few weeks before Christmas, they were determined to share their blessings with our family during the holiday season. After much protesting, I humbly accepted their generous offer and went car shopping.

Who buys a friend a car?!

I’ve known some extremely giving people in my life.  My parents sacrificed much to make sure my brothers and I had a happy, loving home to grow up in. An aunt assisted me in procuring a scholarship to help with college expenses. A university professor paid my way for the college ski outing. A kind lady in our church offered to make our wedding cake. Friends and family babysat our children when we needed some time out, and once the kids were old enough, the acts of kindness they’d offer often brought tears to my eyes. I’d find a hard-earned $20 of allowance money tucked into a homemade Mother’s Day Card, enjoy occasional breakfasts in bed, and welcome their offers to help with chores around the house.

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”― Anne Frank

Having a heart to serve others is a competency of emotional intelligence called service orientation. I like the use of the word, “orientation”. Miriam-Webster defines orientation as “a usually general or lasting direction of thought, inclination, or interest.” [https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/orientation] Note the words “usually general” and “lasting direction”. We’re not talking about a one-time do-a-good-deed for someone. Rather than a one-time service project, think of service orientation as a way of life. It’s having a mindset of anticipating, recognizing, and meeting others’ needs.

People who have a service orientation spend time getting to know others so they understand what their needs are. They are on the lookout to find new ways to increase satisfaction levels of those around them, and gladly make themselves available to offer assistance. They enjoy helping others and especially like providing assistance to the underdog. They have a knack for seeing things through the eyes of others and are quick to grasp perspectives different from their own.  People who are behave this way usually have a good deal of empathy.

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know; the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”— Albert Schweitzer

Those who struggle with service orientation tend to think of themselves first and focus on their own needs before others. They’re not always the best team players and when asked for help, may do what’s required of them, but don’t often go above and beyond. They don’t stand up on the behalf of those around them and often speak poorly of others behind their back. These folks will often ‘pass the buck’ and even go so far as being discourteous and disrespectful.

Robert Greenleaf, author of the book Servant Leadership, observed that there are leaders who are in it for themselves and leaders who are in it for others. He concluded that those who put their focus on others were the most effective. According to Greenleaf, a servant leader must exhibit good listening skills, empathy, a desire to help heal those who are hurting, other-awareness, persuasion, conceptualization (the ability to dream), foresight, stewardship, commitment to helping others grow, and a heart for building community.

As with competencies of emotional intelligence, our ability to be of service to others can be developed and enhanced, no matter how far from having a service orientation we may be. From the ISEI Coaching Toolkit developed by Dr. Laura Belsten, here are some developmental tips to increase your service orientation:

  • Look for opportunities to be helpful, to be of service, to others
  • Anticipate and be aware of the needs of others; plan ahead to meet people’s needs if possible
  • Create a culture of service by modeling the behavior
  • Ask questions to understand another’s needs; act on or agree to a course of action
  • Under-promise and over-deliver; do more than expected
  • Follow through; check to ensure satisfaction

You may not ever have the opportunity to give someone a car, but there are many practical ways you can serve those around you, especially in the workplace. Here are some ideas: Offer a kind word of encouragement to your project manager, pick up a specialty coffee for a colleague, invite a coworker to lunch, thank your boss for her leadership, offer to help a team member on a project, ask your cubicle-mate about their weekend (and really listen). What else? Jot down a few ideas of your own then pick one to start with today. Taking an action to hep another is a great first step toward developing a service orientation.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”
― Charles Dickens

Stop, look, and listen

Article contributed by Amy Sargent.

I’ll never forget the lesson I learned from little five-year-old Marta. As if her sparkling brown eyes, quick smile, and cheeky, baby-like face weren’t enough to win me over–because they were. But it was a competency of emotional intelligence she possessed, which, without a word, made her one of the brightest kids in the classroom.

Wisdom of a child

In the inner city school where I was teaching, standardized assessment scores were low, graduation rates were astonishingly poor, and for most students, English was the second language. Marta arrived the first day of kindergarten equipped with a backpack, hair neatly braided, wearing clean, pressed clothes, with a smile so bright you couldn’t help but beam back. It was obvious that she was well taken care of at home. However my co-teacher informed me that she didn’t speak a word of English, nor did her grandparents, who were her caretakers.  “Good luck with that!”, she said with a hint of disdain.

I made efforts toward effective communication with Marta, even though at first I could tell she didn’t understand a word I said. I used a lot of gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. However, Marta didn’t miss a beat. She was earnest and intentional. Before she’d take any action, she’d stop, look around her, and listen with riveting concentration. I could see her studying my face when I spoke, was quick to nod though I could tell she didn’t fully understand, and flashed her bright smile whenever I grinned. She constantly watched the kids around her: in the morning as they put their coats away, at her table group as they worked on their papers, and in the afternoons during story time, always following along just a step behind, mimicking their behavior. She seemed tuned-into the difference between the children who behaved well, and those who did not, and readily emulated the actions of those who made good choices. She was a quick learner.

Marta, I came to learn later, demonstrated an incredible amount of situational awareness. Within weeks, her comprehension of English, both verbal and written, progressed at astonishing speeds. By the end of the year, you never would have guessed that it was not her first language, except for some pronunciation variances which she adeptly picked up from her grandmother’s strong, accent-laden diction at home. Her ability to tune into what was going around her had a direct impact on her success as a student.

What is situational awareness?

Situational awareness is a competency of emotional intelligence and one which is effective in determining our ability to influence and lead others well. It’s the ability to read social cues, pick up on political currents, and determine norms in family, social, and business gatherings. Those who are good at it are able to detect crucial social networks and understand the political forces at work. They can accurately pick up on the guiding values and unspoken rules which are in play, and are able to make use of formal and informal dynamics.

Those who struggle with situational awareness can sometimes find it difficult to get things done in various social settings, and can be caught off guard when social and political situations arise, whether it be at home or in the workplace. They can be offensive without realizing it and unwittingly act in ways which are inappropriate. They miss on being aware of the emotions of those around them and can find many social situations (and the people involved) frustrating.

Unaware, unsafe.

Not being aware of what’s going on around us can get us into trouble. For most workplaces, a lack of situational awareness can lead to potentially dangerous situations. In the world of aviation, for example, staying aware of surroundings can be the very thing which helps avoid system failures and crashes.  “One of the greatest risks a pilot has when faced with a problem is that the pilot is simply not aware a problem exists. Loss of situational awareness is like the boogieman sneaking up behind you—danger is imminent, but you are pleasantly unaware of it.”  [http://langleyflyingschool.com/Pages/Human%20Factor–Loss%20of%20Situational%20Awareness.html]  In the construction industry, situational awareness is equally important. In 2013, the Bureau of Labor reported that fatal injury rates among construction workers was almost three times that of all occupations.  In a white paper distributed by workzonesafety.org, it was noted that, “Loss of situational awareness undoubtedly contributed to many of these worker accidents. Situational awareness is a worker’s ability to capture cues and clues from what is happening around them, then being able to put them together to mean something, and predicting future events, especially potential risks/threats.”

Distracted drivers – a lack of situational awareness

Cell phone use is proving to be a large contributor to our inability to remain conscious of our physical surroundings, no matter how good we think we are at multitasking.  It’s known that multitasking impairs performance. Studies have shown that even just listening to words being spoken on a cell phone decreases brain availability for other tasks by 37%. [https://www.workzonesafety.org/files/documents/worker_distraction/fatigue_e-device-use.pdf] At any given point in a day, approximately 660,000 drivers are attempting to use their phones while driving. In 2017, the National Safety Council reported that “cell phone use while driving leads to 1.6 million crashes each year. Nearly 390,000 injuries occur each year from accidents caused by texting while driving, and one out of every four car accidents in the United States is caused by texting and driving.”https://www.edgarsnyder.com/car-accident/cause-of-accident/cell-phone/cell-phone-statistics.html]

On the home front

While not honing your situational awareness can prove to be life-threatening, in our home lives, missing on the dynamics of what is going on around you can be detrimental to building strong, healthy relationships. Take the all-too-typical example of an overworked parent who is too busy to notice his kids are showing signs of going down a ‘bad’ path, whether it be skipping classes, lying, stealing, cheating, illegal drug use, etc.  By not being alert and tuning into what is going on in his teenager’s day-to-day, negative habits can quickly form and leave the parent feeling blindsided. “He was such a sweet boy,” the dad will lament, shaking his head sadly remembering when his child was six. But he’s not six anymore — he’s 16 and somewhere, 10 vital years had passed without the parent picking up on the signs of change and being aware — and assertive — enough to respond in a way that encourages the connection kids so long for. In extreme cases, where one or more of the parents is narcissistic (tuning into self and missing on reading and responding to the emotional cues of others), “clinical experience and research show that adult children of narcissists have a difficult time putting their finger on what is wrong…filled with unacknowledged anger, feel like a hollow person, feel inadequate and defective, suffer from periodic anxiety and depression, and have no clue about how he or she got that way.” —Pressman and Pressman, The Narcissistic Family [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201105/the-narcissistic-family-tree]

Office politics and situational awareness

At the office, a lack of situational awareness can take on the form of office politics, a word that most consider ‘dirty’. However, engaging in the goings on at the office actually can have an advantage. In a Forbes.com article, Bonnie Marcus writes that a “lack of attention to what’s happening in the workplace can be extremely dangerous.” After being passed over for a promotion she felt she rightly deserved, she noted, “I didn’t pay attention to what was going on in my company. I avoided office politics and was therefore totally ignorant about how the decision for that VP job would be made. And what’s worse, I  failed to nurture important relationships with the people in corporate who had power and influence over my career.” [https://www.forbes.com/sites/bonniemarcus/2017/04/04/what-i-learned-about-office-politics-that-changed-my-career/#393293266168]. In a study done by Jo Miller, founding editor of Women’s Leadership Coaching., Inc., where she asked 169 employees how they handled office politics, she found that “20% said they try to ignore it, and 61% said they play the game reluctantly and only “when necessary.”” In her article, she quotes Nina Simosko, a leader in technology strategy at Nike, Inc., who says, “When it comes to office politics, there is no way around it. Once you start working with a team you are going to experience it. I am not a fan of politics, but I have learned that ignoring them can have negative consequences. It can determine whether you are successful in your career or not.”[https://www.themuse.com/advice/why-avoiding-office-politics-could-hurt-you-more-than-you-know]. In another article, Jo writes, “An author and careers expert, Erin Burt notes, “Avoiding (office) politics altogether can be deadly for your career. Every workplace has an intricate system of power, and you can — and should — work it ethically to your best advantage.”[https://beleaderly.com/cant-afford-ignore-office-politics/]

It begins with self-awareness

So how do we develop this vital competency of emotional intelligence?  Situational awareness begin with self-awareness, as well-stated, here:

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.” –Richard Feynman

In order to be aware of what’s going on around us, it’s vital we tune in to our own emotions throughout the day and allow them to provide insightful information into how we’re doing.  Try it right now — how are you feeling? Can you put a word to it? Can you trace its origins (why are you feeling that way)? Can you–in the moment–recognize you are feeling that particular emotion and then, choose to manage your behavior in a way that is mindful of that emotion?  Easier said than done, but it can be done.  If you struggle in this area of self-awareness, consider employing a social + emotional intelligence coach to walk alongside you to offer some help.

Tips to improve your situational awareness

Try following these 3 tips to increase your situational awareness.

Stop. Many of us move in a frenzied cacophony of activity, one crisis spawning the next, and rarely take time to slow down, let alone stop and take notice of our surroundings. Set a value of paying attention to what is going on in your social and work settings. If needed, set an alarm to sound throughout your day to remind yourself to stop what you’re doing, for the simple purpose of tuning in to what is going on around you. In that moment, breathe. Notice the details that you may have missed without this much-needed break. How are you feeling?  Why are you feeling that way? How are those around you feeling?  Why are they feeling that way? Attempt to connect the dots — does what you see happening around you make sense? Does it “fit” into the context of the moment and feel “right”? Knowing the history and political currents of your environment can help you answers these questions.

Look. Have you ever talked with someone, only to realize later that you never really looked at them? Maybe you were in a conversation while scrolling on your phone, or answered their questions without looking up from your computer screen. It’s a good practice to develop your ability to see what is going on around you. Make a point to look people in the eyes when they’re speaking. Try to read the emotional cues they may be offering — or hiding.  Now look around, beyond that person. Notice who is in the room and what they’re doing, and how they’re interacting with others. Notice what has changed in the last few hours while you were preoccupied and determine why it has changed.

Listen. We can learn so much from others if we’d just up our listening skills. The people in our lives can clue us in on what’s happening, below the surface. Learn to ask open-ended questions, and try to remember some of the personal details they may share. Not good with names? Jot them down if needed, along with their unique identifiers (she loves cats, he has 3 kids, etc.), so you can refer to them the next time you chat. Questions like, “How are you really doing?”, “How did you feel when that happened?”, “Why do you think that occurred?”, and “What were you most proud of in that moment?” are a few examples of questions which can take your conversations a little deeper. Tune in as they describe people or situations they found to be effective–or ineffective. Invite them to coffee, or lunch, and learn how they operate, what their values are, and what their hopes and dreams may be. By doing so, you’ll be able to identify the characteristic and behaviors of individuals are successful within the organization.

What Marta taught me was that no matter our hurdles, we can choose to learn from those around us to become more situationally aware. In doing so, we’ll not only help protect ourselves from potential pitfalls of being unaware, but enable our ability to learn and grow as we move toward success.

“Every human has four endowments – self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.”  — Stephen Covey

A reflection of integrity

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

When you look into the mirror, who do you see? I don’t mean the color of your eyes, how pointy your chin is, or how amazing your hair is looking today. I mean the deep down you, who you are on the inside,  the who of your who. The real you. Can you see this person in your reflection, or is he or she hidden, masked, or adulterated in a way that the real you is not recognizable?

In other words, is the life you’re living matching up with who you are on the inside, resulting in living a life of integrity?

For many of us, our naked soul is a little too uncomfortable to gaze upon for very long, so after a quick glance, we look away. Others of us are afraid to look at all for the pain the reflection may reveal. If only we could all could learn to live out who we truly are, accepting the things we can’t change, and making shifts on the things we can, so that who we see (and who others see) is an accurate representation of the life we’re living. That, I propose, is living a life of integrity.

Defining Integrity

Integrity is often described as doing the right thing, especially when no one is watching, or living in a way that’s trustworthy and honest, or having strong moral principles. I’d like to offer another aspect of integrity: Living in a way that aligns with who we truly are, so that our reflection, both in our eyes and in others’, and the life we live, is a match.

At one point or another we all have experienced flow — that place of oneness, where we’re completely absorbed in what we’re doing, where the time seems to fly by. Years ago, my middle daughter would come home from school, pick up her guitar, and hours later (though it only seemed moments for her), would look up with surprise at how much time had passed. It’s a good feeling to be in flow. However, often we find ourselves in relationships, jobs, and ways of living that don’t align with who we are. You know when things are off. You find yourself filled with dread, discouragement, and feel disillusioned. You wonder how you ended up here, and wonder, “Is this really all life has to offer?” You feel stuck, and can’t see a way out.

Learning to live our lives in conjunction with who we are takes courage, vulnerability, and insight. It takes emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of how we’re feeling, and how others are feeling, in the moment, then manage our behavior and relationships appropriately. To accurately reflect who we are, living in integrity, we need to know ourselves and understand the emotions we are feeling.

Knowing Yourself

Self-awareness is the first quadrant of emotional intelligence. If I were to ask you to tell me about who you are, how would you answer? Would you start by describing the work you do?  Or maybe that you’re a parent, or ‘married to…”? Or would the question throw you off completely and leave you without words? Try to look beyond the roles you perform. Make a list of qualities about yourself, ones that you feel define you well. Try journaling and see how easily the words flow. Now share this list with someone who knows you well. Do they agree? Would they describe you the same way? What descriptors would they add? Close friends can help alert us to any blind spots we may have in our self-awareness.

Emotions Check

How are you feeling, right now, in this moment? Can you put words to it? Too many times we’ve been told to leave our emotions at the door, however our emotions can serve as dear friends who are willing to offer understanding into what is going on in our world. Learning to tune in to our emotions can help us better know ourselves and better know how to reflect who we really are. Emotions provide us with valuable insights into the triggers that cause us to act the way we do. A good practice is to check in, on the hour each hour, by quickly jotting down how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it. At the end of the day, look back on these emotions you felt and notice if they affected your behavior, and if so, how. Keeping track of how you’re feeling can help you begin to recognize your triggers which result in behavior that doesn’t benefit you. Once you know your triggers, you can begin to choose how you want to respond vs. letting your behavior come under a hijack of your emotions.

Values Check

What is important to you? Make a list of the first things that come to mind. It may be job, family, spirituality, beauty, friends, success, money, health, just to name a few. There are no wrong answers. If you’re not sure, try putting it this way: What things make your heart sing? What things cause you to feel strong positive emotions, and which things  make you smile and leave you with lasting joy? What activities create a sense of flow for you?

Time Check

How are you spending your time, and does it match up with who you are? Take a look at last week’s calendar. What did you spend most of your time doing? For most of us it’s work, because that’s how we sustain our lifestyles of choice. But how are you spending your time outside of work? Our calendars are a great record of how we are prioritizing our lives and what we are placing emphasis on. Do you like what you see? If not, what shifts could you  make to spend more time doing the things you value? Even small shifts in our schedules can bring about a better sense of aligning our daily actions with our values.

People Check

Now take a look at who you spend your time with. It may be your colleagues, your family, and friends. Maybe a few strangers here and there. Are you happy with whom you’re spending your time? Are you spending enough time with those you love most? If not, what shifts can you make to allow that to happen? Try listing out the people you value most, and note how much time you’ve spent with them in the last month. If you’re not satisfied with how much time is spent with those closest to you, what can you do to remedy that?

Regarding Shame

One hurdle to accurately reflecting who we truly are is that 5-letter curse word, shame. It’s defined as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” [https://www.google.com/search?q=definition+shame&oq=definition+shame&aqs=chrome..69i57j35i39l2j0j69i60l2.2538j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8]. Some of us have made choices we’re not proud of in our past, and allow them to define who we are. We forget that our choices are not who we are — they’re what we’ve done. You can be a very good person and have made some poor choices in your past. The key is to separate out your actions from your being, and to realize that you have a choice going forward to decide upon better actions, behaviors, and paths.

Learning to let go of the past and forgive yourself can take some hard work. Finding a social + emotional intelligence coach or a counselor may be a great place to start in working through some of the past. Once you feel you’ve made amends with yourself, (and possibly those who you may have hurt in the process), you can then decide to step into a new direction.

Living in Alignment

Now that you know yourself a little better, here are some questions to ask yourself to see if your actions are lining up with your character. If you answer yes to any of these, it may be time to make some shifts.

  • Do you feel the need to hide any of the choices you are making? Which ones? From whom do you need to hide? Why?
  • Are you afraid others will find out something you’re currently engaged in? What consequences do you fear?
  • Would you be proud to tell others about the choices you’re making?  Why or why not?

As we see ourselves more deeply and clearly, by tuning into our emotions, living out our values, using our time well, and spending time with those we love, and learning to let go of shame along the way, we can begin to look in the mirror and see the person we want to see — the one we truly are. Learning to reflect this person in our day-to-day actions can enable us to begin to live the life we want to live…a life of integrity.

Why Empathy Matters

Article contributed by Amy Sargent

Not feeling it

She theatrically shared her sob story, voice cracking from the flood of emotion, complete with a long, pregnant pause to regain her composure. I squirmed uncomfortably in my hard, metal seat and inwardly rolled my eyes. Oh, the drama. The presenter struggled through her testimony and I struggled with listening–caring. Her situation seemed easy to me, and not worth the eruption of emotional energy she was giving it.

I turned my head toward my colleague with a smirk, knowing she’d share my lack of enthusiasm at this flagrant show of sentiment. I was surprised to see she had a big, fat tear trickling down her cheek. She quickly brushed it away and reached in her purse for a tissue. As I looked around, I noticed others in the audience sniffling and dabbing their eyes. They, like my colleague, were feeling what the speaker was feeling, displaying compassionate listening skills.

I was not.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to sense others’ feelings and take an active interest in their perspectives and concerns. It’s that ability to put yourself in another’s shoes and respond in a way that creates connection and understanding within your relationship. People who are good at this are able to tune into a wide array of emotional signals. They can sense underlying emotions that the other may be trying to hide. They show sensitivity to how the other is feeling and respond in a way that makes the other person feel understood, valued, and heard.

Those of us who aren’t so good at it tend to be judgmental and stereotype others before we have all the facts. We misunderstand how others are feeling and are quick to evaluate their actions based upon our criteria–not theirs.  As a result, we tend to act in a way that may crush another’s spirit and come across as indifferent or uncaring, which can cripple a relationship.

Before you cast your judgment upon me for my obvious lack of this vital competency of emotional intelligence, know that it reared its ugly head at a time in my life when I was younger, more focused on myself and my needs, with an inability to understand what others were suffering–mainly because I hadn’t lived much of my own life yet. Research shows that when we are in comfortable situations it is more difficult to empathize with someone else’s suffering. “At a neurobiological level – without a properly functioning supramarginal gyrus – the part of the brain that decouples perception of self from that of others  — your brain has a tough time putting itself in someone else’s shoes.”[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/the-neuroscience-empathy] .

“Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.”  — John MacNaughton

Little did I know that just around the corner, I’d soon be in dire need for the empathy I didn’t yet know how to offer others.

Empathy is vital

Learning to perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and meaning, without losing the ‘as-if’ mentality — as if the same thing could happen to me — is a skill that is valuable to the health of our relationships.  It enables us to “share experiences, needs, and desires between individuals and providing an emotional bridge that promotes pro-social behavior.” [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513638/]. Empathy leads to helping shift behaviors which benefit us socially. “When people experience empathy, they are more likely to engage in pro-social behaviors that benefit other people. Things such as altruism and heroism are also connected to feeling empathy for others.” [https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562].

Empathy is considered the missing link when it comes to strong connections in our families, schools, and workplaces. “Without empathy”, says Julie Fuimano,  certified coach, writer and speaker, “people tend to go about life without considering how other people feel or what they may be thinking. We are so limited when we only see our own perspective. Without taking a moment to assess another, it is easy to make assumptions and jump to conclusions which leads to misunderstandings, bad feelings, conflict, poor morale, and broken relationships.” [https://www.healthecareers.com/article/healthcare-news/the-importance-of-empathy-in-the-workplace].

It wasn’t but a few short months after that conference that my own set of struggles–which all of us encounter in this thing called life–began to take me down. My emotions were a raw, raucous roller coaster of highs and lows, and I could see no light at the end of the tunnel.  I couldn’t see my way ahead and my days became filled with pretending and my nights filled with worry. I noticed some friends started avoiding me. They’d tell me they were there for me, and some even went so far to say they were praying for me, but they sure didn’t want to hang around me.  I felt alone and questioned my self-worth.

“If there is any great secret of success in life, it lies in the ability to put yourself in the other person’s place and to see things from his point of view — as well as your own.” — Henry Ford

Oh, what I would’ve given for someone to assure me, “Of course you’re feeling that way. I get it.  And it’s OK.” Where were all the empaths when I needed them?! It was as if no one really cared. It’s not surprising that only around 20 percent of the population is genetically predisposed toward empathy, based upon a study published in the Brain and Behavior journal. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322189.php].  The good news, though, is that empathy is a competency of emotional intelligence, a behavior, and can be learned, even if we our natural tendencies don’t lend toward us shedding tears.

8 Ways to Increase your Empathy

  1.  Work on your listening skills. Listening is key to empathy, so practice quieting your mind when others are talking and really tune in to what they are saying, both verbally and non-verbally.
  2. Go beyond the words. When someone is speaking, search for the meaning behind their words, body language, and approach, to figure out what their underlying purpose and concerns are.
  3. Stop what you’re doing. When someone approaches you to share their heart, try to stop what you’re doing by looking at them, turning away from your computer, and putting down your phone.
  4. Find the emotions. What is the other person feeling?  Try to name the emotions they are experiencing and connect them to your own emotions.
  5. Paraphrase.  Check your understanding of what’s being said by repeating back to them what you think you heard.  “What I heard was…” or “It sounds like you’re….” are great ways to paraphrase what they said.
  6. Withhold judgment. Even if you agree with nothing that was said, try to be supportive of their viewpoint by letting them know you value their opinion.  Let them know that though you may believe differently, you still respect them for the way they are feeling and thinking.
  7. Think back. Reflect upon a time when you were hurting, or struggling with a tough situation.  Do you remember who helped you find your way?  Who was it who made you feel heard and understood, and what did they do to make you feel that way? Attempt to emulate their behavior as you work with others.
  8. Remind yourself that we’re all in this together.  It’s rare that someone close to you can go through a rough time without it affecting you and others.  Consider doing a compassion meditation to develop a greater understanding of how similar we all really are.

My own empathy has grown and developed since those heartless days. And though I have a long way to go, I can say that after years of work, I’m now often the first one crying in the room. If you struggle with empathy, see if you can’t choose just one of the above steps to start practicing this week.  After a few weeks, move on to another step, and so on. Journal about each step and reach out to others to talk about your progress. It takes work, but if you want to have meaningful, deep relationships, and make an impact on others as a leader, it’s a trait worth developing.

How to Better Manage Your Stress

Article submitted by Amy Sargent.

Do you know anyone like this?

“Stress level: extreme. It’s like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode.”  —Fiona Wood

It’s a great visual. My brothers and I used to come home from school on hot, August afternoons when Mother was canning bread and butter pickles. They were angry pickles. The acrid odor of vinegar engulfed the entire kitchen and we’d sprint, eyes watering and throats tightening to keep from gagging, out the back door in pursuit of a breath of fresh air. The thought of being around a jar of fermented pickles ready to explode today is enough to send me running.

Imagine your stress-induced emotions as acetous pickle juice just waiting to explode from a pressure-filled jar. Maybe it’s how you’re feeling right now…as if you’re on the brink of detonating into an eruption of anger, or find yourself jetting quickly toward an emotional melt-down. Prolonged stress can do that to the best of us. And while stress most likely won’t be going away any time soon, we can learn to make choices which will help us better manage it.

The Negative Impacts of Stress

Stress is a normal part of everyday life, but if we don’t learn to get a handle on it, it can wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. Based upon results of a stress study done by the American Psychological Association, 66% of people regularly experience physical symptoms of stress, and 63% experience psychological symptoms. Because our natural stress response is not designed to be continually engaged, we must find ways to shut it off.  Scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, discovered that prolonged stress disrupts the balance in the brain, throwing off the normal cadence of brain cell communication. (https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-stress-affects-mental-health/) A study done by Columbia University Medical Center researchers found that negative impact of stress could be likened to smoking more than five cigarettes a day! (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2250106/Stress-bad-heart-smoking-cigarettes-day.html).

“Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.” — Kris Carr

Your Stress Triggers

Developing awareness around your stress triggers is a good place to start.  Grab a journal, ask yourself these three questions, and note your responses:

  • Which situations occur on a regular basis which cause you to feel stressed?
  • Which people in your life could you name as sources of your stress?
  • Which circumstances turn routine situations into stressful situations? (For example, do you feel more stressed when you haven’t eaten, or when you’ve overeaten? How does sleep (and a lack of) affect your stress levels? When you let your worries run rampant, do you find you’re feeling more stressed?, etc.).

If you can become aware of your triggers, there’s a good chance that you can avoid escalations, shifting behaviors before they turn toxic.

What are you feeling?

Do you recognize what stress feels like in your body? Those who have strong stress management skills are able to detect rising stress before it reaches a dangerous level. Physically, you may experience headaches, fatigue, or shoulder pain. Other common symptoms are stomach aches, excessive sweating, back pain, and a racing heart. Behavior-wise, you may find you are taking a habit to an extreme, like overeating or excessive smoking. You may find you’re short-tempered, grinding your teeth, or driving too fast. Emotionally, you may find you are bothered by unimportant issues, getting the cry-feeling more often, or feeling depressed and dejected. Cognitively, you may have trouble thinking clearly, or struggle to translate your thoughts into clear words. You may find it hard to concentrate or find yourself more forgetful than normal.

Learning to recognize how stress rears its ugly head in your body is something you want to tune into.  Next time a stressful situation arises, take a moment to notice what you’re feeling and write it down.

“Everyone has the ability to increase resilience to stress. It requires hard work and dedication, but over time, you can equip yourself to handle whatever life throws your way without adverse effects to your health. Training your brain to manage stress won’t just affect the quality of your life, but perhaps even the length of it.” –Amy Morin

Stress Reduction Techniques

Though you may not be able to make the stressful situation or person go away, you can learn how to control your own responses. Here are some techniques you can try to reduce the feeling of stress. Which of these could you undertake, in the moments when stress arises?

  • Practice gratitude.
  • Take long, deep breaths.
  • Exercise.
  • Get some extra zzzz’s.
  • Remind yourself that this too, shall pass.
  • Rediscover your sense of humor and laugh.
  • Listen to relaxing music.
  • Spend some time in nature.
  • Meditate.
  • Become a realistic optimist and focus on positive outcomes of the current situation.
  • Have a good cry.
  • Forgive…yourself and others.
  • Eat healthy food and resist junk food/stress eating.
  • Do something you find to be fun.
  • Slow down.
  • Practice boundaries (learn to say no when needed)
  • Forgive others’ poor behavior.
  • Refuse to let irrational ideas and thoughts swim around in your head.
  • Visualize yourself in a peaceful place.
  • Pray or other spiritual practices.
  • Quit procrastinating and tackle some items on your to-do list.
  • Call a friend who is able to put you at ease.
  • Fill in the blank (what works for you?) __________________________.

Create an Action Plan

Now that you’re aware of your triggers, understand what you’re feeling, and have a few techniques to use,  it’s time to create a plan. Grab a journal and write about these prompts:

1-The stress symptoms I need to notice and pay attention to are:

2-My current stress triggers, including both situations, people, and circumstances, are:

3-How do I currently deal with these stressors?

4-What’s a better way I could respond to these stressors?

5-What is one technique I can incorporate to remind myself to engage in stress management, as I begin to recognize my symptoms?

6-When do I anticipate the next stressful situation to happen?

7-What will I do when it occurs?

If you’re struggling with creating an action plan, consider teaming up with a social + emotional intelligence coach to walk alongside you.

I get it–changes are hard–but remember the jar of pickles. Who wants to be splattered by pungent negativity every time you lose control of your emotions? Sure, it’s tough to adjust how we respond to the stresses of life, but well worth the effort to learn to open your jar of emotions slowly and carefully so you and others can enjoy its contents.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” —Steve Maraboli

 

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