Posts Tagged ‘mistakes’

5 Ways to Build Confidence as Parents

Article submitted by guest author Brian Baker.

Self-esteem can be very tenuous. As parents, when our children fail it is easy to take it personally. The same principles apply to parents building confidence as to children who are developing confidence in themselves.

Building greater confidence and self-esteem takes practice. But, the results are well worth the time and effort. Stronger confidence benefits you in every area of your life.

Using these strategies will help you and your children develop greater confidence and self-esteem:

1.  Learn from mistakes and failure. It’s okay to fail. Failing is part of the learning process. This improves decision-making skills, enables one to think through long-term results of their choices, and accept feedback about their mistakes without feeling like a personal failure.

  • Parents are also learning something new with each child. The process is the same – you learn from mistakes and failures.

2.  See mistakes and failures as tools for success. Confidence comes from learning to trust our instincts, skills, and abilities. It is gained over time through both success and failure. It requires taking risks and dealing with consequences.

  • The more skilled our children become in making the right choices, the more confident they become.
  • If you regularly use mistakes as a tool for success, when your kids do fail or miscalculate, they learn that it was the thinking or process that was faulty, not the person. The same applies to you as a parent.

3.  Never stop learning. Parents are teachers. Your job is to prepare your child to be a successful young adult. It starts day one and never ends. You are not always going to get it right – nobody does.

  • Like your child, you learn as you do things and improve as you learn. Chances are that you’ll feel inadequate at times and make mistakes.
  • Own it. Be open about your mistakes and talk to your child about the lessons learned. They will benefit as much from your candid discussions as anything else you do.

4.  Think positive thoughts about yourself. If you struggle with low self-esteem, it’s important that you get help with that. Seek out a therapist if you need to. Your behavior and how you treat yourself is what your child absorbs.

  • If you stand in front of the mirror making negative comments about your body, berate yourself when you make a mistake, or judge others when they don’t meet your standards, your child will do the same.

5.  Learn to let it go. Move forward after you discuss lessons learned – yours and your child’s. It is information that you will use to calculate choices in the future.

  • If you dwell on it or label yourself, your child will do the same. “I made a mistake” can become “I am a mistake” if internalized. Get help if you need it. Perfectionism leads to additional challenges that neither of you need.

Practice these techniques daily with your children. The more you practice, the easier these behaviors become. Once they become a habit, you and your children are well on the path to having an automatic process that supports greater confidence and self-esteem each day.

 

Why It’s Important to Create a Safe Place to Fail At Work

Article contributed by guest author Lindsey Leach.

This past week I found myself, yet again, in wonderful conversations with other leadership and organizational development professionals – actually multiple. I still have to pinch myself when I remember I am one of those professionals now #impostersyndrome. This past week’s discussion was focused on student and adult learning via a panel of four professionals in the space. They were asked questions on challenges they are currently facing with students, how we can better serve a variety of students as they enter the workforce, and how education is changing as we speak. So, naturally, I got inspired.

After the panel, we got into small groups to collaborate. We ended up chatting about what are the right questions to ask candidates during an interview to determine if the individual truly has the skills and abilities that meet the role responsibilities and current needs of the company. Everyone tends to project (or tries to) their best selves during an interview, so how do you dig deeper? How do you figure out if they mean what they are saying or are full of it and simply telling you what they found online to be the best way to answer? It’s natural to study up on a company/job you are interviewing for, but are you applying for the right reasons? Are you the right fit? What makes someone the right fit? Every job and company differs.

I’ve accidentally done this because, as an introvert, I used to think I needed to fit into a box that I believed to please the interviewer. I’m a recovering people-pleaser in every area of my life. I was also down a road in life that I thought I was passionate about, and fast forward, I was walking down that road for the wrong reasons. Subconsciously, I believed being introverted was not acceptable in most work environments. There’s a lot I could get into there, but I want to stay focused on the topic at hand. I tend to highly commit to my work with passion and immense work ethic. If I don’t know how, I’ll figure it out. If I’m terrible, I keep trying. Truth be told, often that mindset can become unhealthy without proper balance and awareness. Great work ethic and the ability to adapt to personalities and situations in order to problem solve and create something exquisite is something I am proud of. I found my balance in being true to who I am, my core values, and following my own true north. I value my alone time equally to my sincere, meaningful relationships, meetings, and collaboration time with the beautiful people in my life. I thought it wasn’t okay for me to value my needs as an introvert, which is so beyond the truth and a belief I no longer hold. It feels so good to have released those thoughts and expectations that NO ONE but me was ever actually holding. It was always okay for me to be me. I just wasn’t in the best position or at the best company for me and my needs. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who do don’t mind. I’m grateful for all of the missteps that got me here because without them, I don’t know how I would have ever found what was right for me. It’s certainly more about the journey than the destination.

I’ve also found my balance in challenging myself to do what I love most, with incredible and healthy people that I learn from daily, and still find my peace in processing alone thereafter. You’re okay, and I’m okay. Introverted is okay. Extroverted is okay. Everyone is okay.

While putting myself in a box in order to take a stab at making everyone else happy, I discovered some interesting external factors that impacted me. I was quick to blame myself, but it takes two to tango. What I was reminded of in the small group discussion about interview questions this week was that there must always be a space and opportunity to fail when you’re learning and growing. I think this is indefinite, but especially as a young professional. Often I was put in situations without training and essentially told to sink or swim. “Fake it ’til you make it” were often words to live by. I’ve always found this interesting, and disheartening. Now, granted, these positions weren’t a fit for me and they weren’t utilizing the skills I wanted to regularly, but when your company is actively not giving you anything but benefits, paycheck, a ping-pong table, and a promotion here and there….often now, new generations will only put up with that for so long before they are bored or just the opposite, over-worked but unsatisfied. Their managers don’t understand what they need or want, and often they’ve never asked. Or if they have, the person hearing the question lacked trust in themselves and their leader and therefore, wasn’t honest and was looking for that promotion outside the company.

I don’t want the threat of “I’ll get fired if I fail” looming over my every last move while simultaneously being told to go figure it out with little or no training. I want the space and opportunity to learn and know that if I fail, no one died and they are ecstatic you took the risk to try. The feeling will still sting, but that also means you care about what you do. You failed, but you learned and are better for it. AND the company gave you the proper tools and resources to feel set up for success and supported. I understand some professions seem not to allow for this space. I’m not discussing that particular kind of work here. As humans, we make mistakes all of the time. I know, as a recovering perfectionist, that’s a hard sentence to read, accept, and swallow.

I am investing myself, my time, and my best efforts into the company I so choose. I want the company to also invest in me, or I might as well start my own business and create that for myself plus have freedom and flexibility. I believe this to be why leadership and talent development are key and so pivotal to success. That investment is much like a relationship. I choose you every day, and you choose me. We choose each other. We both are choosing to be the best possible version of ourselves each day with the understanding that neither are always going to be perfect.

Neither are going to grow without learning experiences and ups and downs. I tink you’ve already heard me say nobody likes anyone perfect anyway. 😉

I wanted to get into HOW you create space for mistakes, but this article became longer than I anticipated….so look out for a Part 2 on this soon! Ciao!

#foodforthought #thoughtfulthursday #introvertuncensored #creatingspace #failingisokay #roomtogrow #investment #impostersyndrome #safeplacetofail #bestversionofyourself #bestversionofourselves #workinprogress #millennials #introvertisokay #extrovertisokay #leadershipdevelopment #organizationaldevelopment #collaboration #inspiration

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