Posts Tagged ‘self esteem’

5 Ways to Build Confidence as Parents

Article submitted by guest author Brian Baker.

Self-esteem can be very tenuous. As parents, when our children fail it is easy to take it personally. The same principles apply to parents building confidence as to children who are developing confidence in themselves.

Building greater confidence and self-esteem takes practice. But, the results are well worth the time and effort. Stronger confidence benefits you in every area of your life.

Using these strategies will help you and your children develop greater confidence and self-esteem:

1.  Learn from mistakes and failure. It’s okay to fail. Failing is part of the learning process. This improves decision-making skills, enables one to think through long-term results of their choices, and accept feedback about their mistakes without feeling like a personal failure.

  • Parents are also learning something new with each child. The process is the same – you learn from mistakes and failures.

2.  See mistakes and failures as tools for success. Confidence comes from learning to trust our instincts, skills, and abilities. It is gained over time through both success and failure. It requires taking risks and dealing with consequences.

  • The more skilled our children become in making the right choices, the more confident they become.
  • If you regularly use mistakes as a tool for success, when your kids do fail or miscalculate, they learn that it was the thinking or process that was faulty, not the person. The same applies to you as a parent.

3.  Never stop learning. Parents are teachers. Your job is to prepare your child to be a successful young adult. It starts day one and never ends. You are not always going to get it right – nobody does.

  • Like your child, you learn as you do things and improve as you learn. Chances are that you’ll feel inadequate at times and make mistakes.
  • Own it. Be open about your mistakes and talk to your child about the lessons learned. They will benefit as much from your candid discussions as anything else you do.

4.  Think positive thoughts about yourself. If you struggle with low self-esteem, it’s important that you get help with that. Seek out a therapist if you need to. Your behavior and how you treat yourself is what your child absorbs.

  • If you stand in front of the mirror making negative comments about your body, berate yourself when you make a mistake, or judge others when they don’t meet your standards, your child will do the same.

5.  Learn to let it go. Move forward after you discuss lessons learned – yours and your child’s. It is information that you will use to calculate choices in the future.

  • If you dwell on it or label yourself, your child will do the same. “I made a mistake” can become “I am a mistake” if internalized. Get help if you need it. Perfectionism leads to additional challenges that neither of you need.

Practice these techniques daily with your children. The more you practice, the easier these behaviors become. Once they become a habit, you and your children are well on the path to having an automatic process that supports greater confidence and self-esteem each day.

 

Self-Talk: Antagonist or Ally?

Article written by Dr. Laura Belsten, Ph.D.

What have you been telling yourself lately?

Self-talk is very revealing. That little voice that sits on your shoulder and whispers into your ear can be either an antagonist or an ally. What you tell yourself goes immediately to your subconscious where it increases or decreases your anger, frustration or other emotions. Repeated negative self-talk leads to exaggerated and irrational thinking.

If you struggle with negative self-talk, try this simple exercise:

Directions: Put a check in the left-hand column next to any of the following statements you have said to yourself lately.

 __    They always take me for granted.

__    I’m always late.

 __    No one ever helps me.

__     Everyone gets paid more than I do. 

 __    No one listens to me.

__    It’ll always be this way.

 _ _   Everything I do gets messed up.

 __    I never get the credit I deserve.

__    They don’t appreciate how hard I work/how much I care.

 __    Fill in your own:                                                                                       

Now that you are more aware of your self-talk, ask yourself why you say those things. Pull out your journal and underneath each remark you checked, list some questions that you could ask to help you change to become less negative. (Example: if you are late, why are you late? Are you only late to meetings? Be as specific as possible).

Also list the things you can do to change the situation. For example, if you feel your work is not appreciated, could you create a list of accomplishments and bring them in to a meeting with your supervisor? If someone else is taking credit for your work, what can you do to become more assertive? Again, be as specific as possible.

Finally, for each negative message you receive from your inner antagonist, craft a positive, “ally” message to replace the negative voice. Remember the law of attraction: Whatever we focus on is what we attract. If we think in the negative, we’ll attract the negative; and most importantly, if we think in the positive, we’ll attract the positive.

How can you be your own best ally?

 

Parenting Tip: For high self-esteem, praise the effort, not the child

praisechild

Article contributed by guest author Fern Weis

 

Do you know that praising your child can backfire?  You’re probably trying to boost his self-esteem, and make him feel better about himself.  When you praise the child, however, you are filling him with your own hopes and desires about who you want him to be.  He may also feel incapable of living up to that high standard.

But the day will come when you can’t be by his side, assuring him that he is competent, strong and resilient.  Then what?  Who is he without all that?

Self-esteem is an inside job.  It comes from doing good things and from picking yourself up when things don’t go well.  You want to be praising the effort and the attitude behind the actions and naming what you see.

  • “You wanted to put off doing that assignment because writing is challenging, but you did it first and stuck with it.  That’s real determination.”
  • “I saw how angry you were when your sister took your toy, but you didn’t hit her or yell.  You asked for help and showed self-control.”
  • “You were uncomfortable with what your friends were doing.  It took courage to stand up, say it, and walk away.”

Praise the effort, not the child.  Watch your child blossom into the self-confident, independent person you know he can be.

From Good to Great

What if you could:

  • Improve your self esteem?
  • Change the physical structure of your brain?
  • Predict and control your emotions?
  • Strategically influence the behavior of others?

 

Watch this informative video to learn how!

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