Posts Tagged ‘Trust’

Can you trust someone who’s been dishonest?

Article contributed by Amy Sargent.

“A single lie discovered is enough to create doubt in every truth expressed.” — Unknown

When trust is broken

There’s not much worse than catching someone you thought you trusted in a lie. Or several of them. You find you instantly go from believing in them to wondering if anything about your relationship is true. The damage seems irreversible and ending the friendship seems like the logical ‘next-step’–because how can you have a good relationship without trust?

The thing is, you can’t. As Stephen R. Covey said, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

How do you know when someone can’t be trusted? Often, you’ll notice one or more of these symptoms:

  • They are unable to establish open, candid, trusting relationships.
  • They have developed a reputation for lacking integrity.
  • They get that ‘deer in the headlights’ look when you ask them what values they stand for.
  • They behave erratically, in ways that ‘don’t make sense’.
  • They treat people differently based upon the situation (they may be nice to you, but make fun of others, for example.)
  • They’re willing to undermine others for their own personal gain.
  • They withhold information if they think it may get them in trouble.

Once trust is broken, the safe nature of the relationship unfortunately shifts, and you’ll find yourself second-guessing everything that comes out of their mouth. It’s extremely hard to believe in someone who has looked you in the eyes and told you an untruth. As one anonymous quote about trust says, “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”  Lady Gaga says it with a little more poignancy:  “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that m…f…’s reflection” (pardon her French).

That being said, and this may come as a surprise–broken trust doesn’t mean the relationship has to end. Yes, there are times when someone has defiled your trust to the point you know you need to call it quits. This article is not designed for those of you who have been hurt over and over and over again by the same person, who obviously is not working to live in integrity and is bent on a life of cheating and deceit. And this is not about staying in a relationship with someone who is abusive or putting you or others in danger. This is written for the one-time offenders, or even the two and three timers (you get to determine the number), with whom you still see the value of continuing the relationship. In this case, healing the friendship will take some hard work–but it can be done. Taking the time to feel your feelings, lay aside judgments, understanding the whys, releasing the ‘all or nothing’ mentality, then meeting each other’s needs can help with the repairs.

Feel your feelings

Being lied to by someone you care about is a slap in the face. It stings. Your world that seemed safe just moments before now feels unstable and shaky. Depending on the depth of the lie, the sudden lack of trust can take the wind out of your sails and crush your dreams. Questions like, “How could she…?” and “How could he be so selfish?!” haunt us as we replay the situation over and over in our heads. Then we start to wonder if this was the first lie, and how long has this been going on? “Has anything she’s told me been real?” We begin to doubt the legitimacy of the entire relationship.

These feelings in response to dishonesty are normal. Anger-sadness-betrayal-pain-disbelief-chagrin-embarrassment-disappointment-discouragement– are normal responses. Find a safe place to sit with the emotions which are welling up inside you. Stuffing them inside, or, in a more passive-aggressive way, pretending you’re fine while making snarky comments will just prolong the agony. If you need to vent, grab a pen and write in your journal (not on your social media page!). Talk to a counselor. Seek out a close friend and ask them if you can unload for a bit. Cry. Scream. Yell. (Obviously, screaming and yelling in the office isn’t the ‘safest’ place to vent. Or, in the moment, screaming and yelling at the person who’s caused the hurt. Conversations done in anger never seem to work out very well).  Be emotionally-aware of your surroundings by finding an appropriate setting but do let yourself feel. I find writing down the emotions I’m feeling, being very specific as to how I name them, and noting why I’m feeling them, helps validate that what I am feeling is legit.

Good guys vs. bad guys

It’s tempting, in the moment, to write the person off as one of the ‘bad guys’. I wish it was that cut and dry. If people were only that black and white, being able to point your finger and labeling them ‘bad’ would seem to make the heartache a little lighter. But the truth is, all of us are dishonest at some point in our lives. If you’re really honest–no pun intended–you’ve most likely been dishonest in some shape or form in the last week–or even today! Stretching the truth, withholding vital information, or feigning agreement are all forms of dishonesty. Have you ever checked your social media pages on company time? Have you used the company printer for personal use? Have you allowed someone to give you credit for something that others may have had a greater hand in? A study done in 2010 found that the average person lies 1.65 time per day. That’s 11 and a half lies a week, or 46.2 lies per month! (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/homo-consumericus/201111/how-often-do-people-lie-in-their-daily-lives).

So, my point is we all exhibit some form of dishonesty from time to time, but just because you have been deceitful here and there doesn’t make you a bad person. Avoid the temptation to label the other person as one of the bad guys, unless you’re willing to include yourself in that category. People — all types — are at times honest and at other times dishonest. Does this justify lying as good and beneficial to relationships? Of course not. But it does humanize it and takes away the victim/villain mentality.

Rather than immediately adding the person to your list of evil people, instead, try to be open to discovering what value or unmet need was behind their dishonesty.

Discovering the why

Everything we do stems from a value or need. People say and act in harmony with things they deem as important. If we want to repair a broken relationship after dishonesty, it’s our role to attempt to quit focusing on the lie and take a deep dive into learning more about the other person’s values and needs. Again, this isn’t about justifying dishonesty. We are simply exploring the why behind it for greater understanding. This is a difficult step because we tend to be quick to assign motives (to match the story we’ve created in our heads) instead of seeking understanding. It takes good listening skills and requires us to suspend our own judgments–easier said than done.

For example, if someone has always been told they’re wrong, from a young age, a core value they may have developed as a result is a need to be right. Since they obviously can’t always be right, they may find themselves telling lies to make it look that way. Or, if someone’s core value is being loved, and they fear the other person may no longer love them if they fess up to a discretion, a lie may seem the best way to supply that need of being loved. Does this make the lie OK? No. But it can help you understand the why, and develop a little empathy. You don’t have to agree with their value–it may be different from yours–but you do want to offer respect. The goal here is to suspend our negative character judgment of them and see them with more empathetic eyes.

When you’re ready to find out the whys, wait until you are in a calm place, and you’ve processed your emotions. You’re going to need to be brave and ask open-ended questions to discover what the other person valued or needed so much in the moment that they chose to be dishonest. Sometimes the answers you hear may be a reflection of your own past behavior. For example, if you freaked out on your friend the last time she shared that spent a weekend with other friends (not including you), she may be a little more hesitant to tell you openly about the next time she does. As you ask, then listen, see if you can uncover the value which was most important to them in the moment. For example, maybe she valued your peace of mind more than being honest, knowing you’d be deeply hurt if you found out. Or, her need was to spend time nurturing other friendships, even if that meant excluding you — so she chose to lie.  You may be surprised that all lies don’t stem from a place of selfishness. Again, you don’t have to agree with the other person’s values/needs — but understanding and acknowledging them can go a long way with the repair.

It’s not all or nothing

We have a tendency to think because one act of dishonesty has taken place that the entire relationship has gone down the drain. While it may feel like that, the truth is that this person most likely still possesses all the wonderful qualities you saw in him/her before the lie. Take a moment to write down all the positive qualities you value about this person, to help put the untruth in perspective. One lie doesn’t negate all the truths they’ve told you in the past. Instead of allowing the dishonesty to taint your entire view of the relationship, relegate it to its proper place: it’s a lie that happened in that moment around a specific event. Magnifying it to include all interaction you’ve ever had together won’t help things.

And don’t let yourself become a fortune teller.  Just because they lied today doesn’t mean they’ll lie to you tomorrow. You’ve heard the phrase, “Once a liar, always a liar”.  But is that true for you?  Have you ever told a lie about something once that you vowed to never lie about again — and haven’t? People can grow and change. If the relationship is important to you, give them a chance to redeem themselves and move forward in honesty.

Meeting each other’s needs

Now comes the hard part. It’s one thing to understand the other person’s values and unmet needs, but making adjustments to meet those needs is another story. Their needs may trigger your insecurities. But if you value the relationship, and want to restore it, you’ll want to try not to take it personally, and attempt to create a safe space for open communication.

Once both parties’ needs are on the table, you then get to decide if 1-you want to meet their needs, and 2-if you are willing to meet their needs and 3-if you can meet their needs. If you don’t want to, then own it. Your friend say she needs time with other friends which doesn’t include you. Your need is to be included in everything she does. You may come to realize you don’t want to, aren’t willing, and can’t meet her needs, and she may decide the same for yours. Fair enough. Express this as kindly as you can, and decide if the friendship can continue despite these unmet needs. If not, this may be where you decide to part.

However, maybe there are partial needs that can be met, and visa-versa. How could you adjust your needs and she adjust hers to find a compromise for the sake of the relationship? What can you give and what can she give, and which needs can be modified, and how, without sacrificing who you are and what you value? If your friendship is worth it, there’ll be a lot of give and take as you come to a place of agreement. You’ll likely to have to give in and bend a little, and she’ll need to do the same. If the two of you are having troubles negotiating, enlisting the help of a coach or counselor may be productive in coming to workable terms.

“You must trust and believe in people, or life becomes impossible.” — Anton Chekhov

It’s your choice

Choosing to trust again is just that — your choice. English author Sophie Kinsella said, “In the end, you have to choose whether or not to trust someone.” I know, it’s not easy. It’s hard to know when to protect your heart from future hurt or forgive and allow them back in. Betrayal by someone close to you is one of the most painful things to endure, and for good reason, you may decide it’s best to be done. If that’s the case, put it to rest as kindly as possible, then begin to take steps to move forward as you craft a new life without them. But if you write off every single person who is dishonest with you, you’ll end up very alone.

Healthy relationships are vital to our wellbeing. If it’s a relationship worth salvaging, choosing to trust again may be the very thing needed to renew and restore the friendship. Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” It will take time and repetition of good behavior on their part to rebuild your trust. Giving others the opportunity to do that, by choosing to trust, is the only way to create the space for them to be trustworthy again.

“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life that is the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.” –Henry L. Stimson

Are you a trust builder or a trust breaker?

Article contributed by Amy Sargent.

Are you someone who builds trust or someone who tears it down?

The ability to build trust is a competency of high emotional intelligence. Being trustworthy means to be ethical when working with and relating to others. It means doing the right thing even when you know no one will find out. When you are a trust builder, others have confidence that your actions are consistent with your words and know that you have their best interest at heart — not only your own. If you are a trust builder, you demonstrate respect for others’ experiences, understand the hurt that deceitfulness can cause, and bring more value to relationships than pain.

Those who are strong in this competency tend to share information about themselves and don’t keep secrets. They treat others consistently and with respect, and maintain high standards of personal integrity. They maintain a lifestyle that they don’t have to hide from others. When you hear them talk about something, you know that their actions will match up with their words, and you can count on them to deliver on their promises and commitments.

Those who aren’t so strong in this competency aren’t able to build open, candid, trusting relationships. They’ve most likely developed a reputation for lacking integrity, and often make promises that they do not keep.They will do what serves them best even if it means undermining another person to get what they want. They lie about little things, and lie about big things. If you ask them what their values are, you may get the ‘deer in the headlights’ look, as they often have troubles defining their standards in the name of being ‘open-minded’ or ‘non-judgmental’. They tend to blame others for their mistakes and withhold information to keep them out of ‘trouble.’

“Earn trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest.” –Seth Godin

It’s impossible to lead without being able to build trust.  When others begin to doubt you, they will think twice about following you and question whether or not you are worth teaming up with. They will mistrust your ideas and direction, and worry that you may be putting YOUR best interests before their own.

It’s true that it takes a long time to build trust but only an instant to destroy it.  One self-centered lie or act of deceit can ruin how others view you for days and months to come.

Why are some trust breakers? For many, the practice of deceit stems from deep-rooted fears…fear of being accepted, fear of being known, fear of punishment, fear of self, fear of being held to expectations, fear of letting others down, fear of being disliked, fear of being an disappointment…the list goes on and on. The thing is, we all have fears. We all want to be liked and accepted and valuable in others’ eyes.  But the difference between trust builders and trust breakers is that the trust builders face their fears by understanding that honesty and authenticity are what bring about those results, where trust breakers think dishonesty will get them there. But a life of deceit won’t bring about deep, meaningful relationships that we all desire.

“It is true that integrity alone won’t make you a leader, but without integrity you will never be one.”  — Zig Ziglar

Not sure if you’re a trust builder or a trust breaker?

Look over these statements, and give yourself a score for each, using this scale: 1= Always, 2=Almost always 3=Occasionally 4=Almost never 5=Never

  1. I share my thoughts, feelings and decision-making rationale.
  2. I am able to establish trusting relationships.
  3. I am open to others’ ideas and willing to be influenced by others.
  4. I treat people with respect.
  5. I am able to influence others as a result of talking with them.
  6. I have developed a reputation for integrity.
  7. I treat all people fairly.
  8. I say what I believe rather than what I think people want to hear.
  9. I strive to behave consistently with my expressed beliefs and values.
  10. I practice what I preach.
  11. I focus on solving problems rather than blaming or hiding.
  12. I admit my mistakes.
  13. I deliver on promises and commitments.
  14. I ask others for their opinions.
  15. I listen to people’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and am able to feel empathy.
  16. I solicit feedback about my performance.
  17. I acknowledge the contributions and worth of others.
  18. When there is a problem, I work directly with those involved to resolve it.
  19. I treat people consistently.
  20. I follow through on the things I commit to do, even if it’s not convenient for me.

Now, add up your scores and see where you land, below:

1-20 – Your ability to build trust is high

21-40 – Your ability to build trust is moderately high

41-60 – Your ability to build trust is moderate

61-80 – Your ability to build trust has room for improvement

81-100 –  Your ability to build trust needs serious improvement

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” –Stephen R. Covey

If your ability to build trust needs some work, take heart. We are talking about behavior–what you do, not who you are. Behaviors can be changed. If you would like to shift from being a trust breaker to a trust builder, here are some developmental tips to try:

  • Team up with an emotional intelligence coach to help you set goals and hold you accountable as you begin this journey.
  • Practice listening to others in a way that allows you to know what’s on their minds and in their hearts.
  • Always deliver on your commitments.  No excuses. If you are one who tends to promise then cancel –stop making the promises in the first place.
  • Be emotionally available to those around you — share the things in your heart without stretching the truth to make yourself look good.
  • Never knowingly mislead or lie.  If you catch yourself doing it — stop and admit the truth.  It’s so very freeing and you’ll find people respect you when you admit it in the moment.
  • Articulate your values to those around you and ask them if your actions match up.
  • Admit your mistakes without blame or shame.
  • Get in the habit of putting others’ needs in front of your own.
  • Check to see if what you do in secret matches up to your public persona — if not, in which arena are you not being true? Then ask yourself why.  Just being aware of the gap is a good start to changing behaviors.
  • Forgive yourself of past mistakes.  If you’ve spent a lifetime lying, it’s never too late to come clean and make a fresh start.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re not sure if you should be honest or not — keep this in mind:

“For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.” — Bo Bennett

Putting aside your patterns of lying, deceiving and hiding, and stepping into the brave new world of integrity will open up the doors of opportunity for stronger, healthier relationships. Yes, it’s going to take some work and effort. It may feel uncomfortable to begin to let others truly know you. You may face rejection and at times, disappoint people. But though it’s can be a difficult process to shift behaviors, it’s worth it. Becoming someone others can trust will help you develop the connection, both at work and in your personal life, that you need and desire.

10 Easy Ways to Destroy Trust

charliebrown and lucy

Article Contributed by Amy Sargent

How many times have we watched it happen? He takes a few steps backward in preparation to kick, that confident look of determination spreading across his face. This time we really want to see it. Just once. He charges forward at top speed to launch the pigskin to the other side of the field–and at the very last minute, she adeptly pulls the football away, causing him to land flat on his back in embarrassment and, I’d guess a considerable amount of pain.  If you were Charlie Brown, would you ever trust Lucy again?

Stephen M.R. Covey, in his book The Speed of Trust, says this:  “The first job of a leader—at work or at home—is to inspire trust. It’s to bring out the best in people by entrusting them with meaningful stewardships, and to create an environment in which high-trust interaction inspires creativity and possibility.” 

Trust is a competency of social and emotional intelligence that must be cultivated in order to gain the respect and following of others. Without it, our relationships fall apart because of our inability to create a safe atmosphere of dependability and reliability.  Listen to how Brian Tracy, Canadian author and speaker, puts it:

“The glue that holds all relationships together–including the relationship between the leader and the led–is trust, and trust is based on integrity.”

Trust is a component that is simply vital to our relationships with others, period. And interestingly, while it takes a long time to build trust, it takes only an instant to dismantle it.

Here are ten sure-fire ways to destroy others’ trust in you:

  • Betray confidences. If you gossip and share damaging information about others, it may temporarily make you feel better about yourself, and create a temporary affinity between you and the person you’re sharing with, but know that they will be thinking, “If you’re willing to talk about others behind their back, what will keep you from talking about me?”
  • Blame others for your mistakes. I know, it’s difficult to say “It’s my fault” or “I messed up.” It’s so much easier to point the finger at others when things go awry. But blame-shifting won’t go without notice.  It’s like a dimmer switch on respect.
  • Break your promises. There’s not much that devours trust more than not following through on what you’ll say you’ll do. Of course there are times when something comes up that you have to change your plans. But if you are consistently one who doesn’t deliver, others’ trust in you will be diminished.
  • Remain closed-off and never share personal matters of the heart. Obviously there is a time and place to tell all, but the lack of ability to share with appropriate self-disclosure will create a barrier between you and your teams. The “me too” mentality goes a long way in building bridges and helping others realize that you are all in this together. Without it, high walls of distrust are quickly constructed.
  • Be explosive and unpredictable. Have you ever blown a tire while driving? The sudden explosion can startle even the best of drivers and make steering extremely difficult, creating strong doubt that the car is going to perform as it should. If you are constantly letting your anger cause a knee-jerk reaction that ‘no one saw coming’, their trust in your performance will be left behind on the side of the road like pieces of shredded, burned rubber.
  • Tell little white lies, and while you’re at it, tell some whoppers, too. Not speaking truth can get you out of some sticky situations, but when the dishonesty is discovered (and these things have a way of somehow always making it to the surface), then how will people know when you are being honest and when you are not? Friedrich Neitzche, a German philosopher, said this: “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
  • Talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. I once knew an instructor who facilitated workshops on the importance of living authentically, tapping into the help of an accountability partner, but covertly hid her own dark, hurtful behaviors from even her closest friends and family. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) the issues became public, and her credibility as a speaker on the topic was lost.
  • When conflict arises, turn on those close to you. Disagreements are a part of being in relationship. There are healthy ways to resolve conflict and unhealthy ways. Choosing to shut people out, quitting relationships (or being quick on the trigger to fire employees) is an easy fix—and a great way to destroy trust.  [Note there are times when boundaries need to be set with very unhealthy people in your life and relationships do need to be ended.  But if quitting is your go-to technique for resolving all conflicts, know that you are doing a good job of ruining trust].
  • Always put your own best interests ahead of everyone else’s. When others don’t feel like you regard what is important to them, their engagement and excitement for your plans, visions and dreams will wane. Believe it or not, making a habit of putting others first causes them to believe in you, trusting that you really care. To keep trust levels low, be sure to never consider the needs and desires of those around you.
  • Consistently treat some people better than others. It’s the old saying, ‘Watch how he treats the waiter’. If you are a respecter of persons, rolling out the red carpet for some while trampling others underfoot will breed a fair amount of disrespect and distrust.

Again, in the words of Stephen M.R. Covey,

“Above all, success in business requires two things: a winning competitive strategy, and superb organizational execution. Distrust is the enemy of both.” I submit that while high trust won’t necessarily rescue a poor strategy, low trust will almost always derail a good one.”

How do Expertise and Social & Emotional Intelligence Relate in Your Career?

Article contributed by Virg Setzer,MSOP

In my past blog comments I discussed two of the Nine Essentials to Career Success – Ownership and Mindset.  This week I am addressing the third essential, Expertise. 

What is Expertise?

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines expertise as:  expert skill or knowledge in a particular field” and Expert as, “a person who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of or skill in a particular area”

In the business world it is not at all uncommon to hear the phrase, “what is his or her expertise?”  In an interview, “tell me about your expertise”, or as senior leaders discuss key successors, the individuals expertise and overall capability is frequently a major discussion.  Sometimes expertise is described using different terms, such as what is his talent, but it all boils down to what is the special capability an individual possesses.  What is the capability or expertise that person has that sets them aside from others, in effect gives them a competitive advantage.

Expertise – Critical for a successful career.   There are many attributes necessary for success, but Expertise is clearly one of the essentials – it is in fact essential to continually build and enhance one’s expertise.  Expertise is not simply the special knowledge gained from focused education and experience. We all know of many people who have a vast resume of educational accomplishments, degrees, certifications, etc., yet are not all that effective in their performance.  Expertise is gaining that special knowledge and associated experience, but most importantly expertise is the ability to employ and apply your knowledge and skill in real world situations, and to do so in a highly effective manner.  Often there are people who are equally qualified in terms of education and experience, but it is the real expert who is able to apply it to achieve maximum performance.

Is expertise limited to technical or functional areas of knowledge and experience?  The ability to effectively employ and apply one’s capability encompasses a number of factors.  Those that are successful likely do not think of their capability as including social and emotional intelligence competencies, yet as we consider Personal Competence and Social Competence, we might make a case that all twenty-six competencies in some way have an impact.   A few however are key contributors to the successful application of expertise.  I believe those that may have the greatest impact are:

  • Organizational awareness: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships; being able to “size up” a situation and plan an appropriate response.  This is critical in applying your expertise in any organization.
  • Integrity: Maintaining high standards of honesty and ethics at all times.  A must to build credibility.
  • Initiative & bias for action: Readiness to act on opportunities.  The term, “timing is everything” does in fact often apply in business – this competency is a major contributor to successful application of expertise.
  • Personal agility:  Readily, willingly, rapidly and effectively anticipating and adapting to change.  Our rapidly changing global and technological world requires personal agility now more than ever.
  • Communication: Listening attentively and fostering open dialogue.  Essential for every effective relationship.
  • Interpersonal effectiveness:  Possessing diplomacy, tact and interpersonal skills, and knowing how to use them to ease transactions and relationships with others; the ability to relate well and build rapport with all people.  Application of expertise cannot be completed in a vacuum – interpersonal effectiveness is essential.
  • Powerful influencing skills: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion.  A sub-set of effective communication, but also critical to success.
  • Building Bonds: Nurturing and maintaining relationships, cultivating a wide network; connecting with others on a deeper rather than superficial level.  Essential for a continued effective relationships.
  • Coaching & mentoring others: Identifying others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities.  Developing others supports and helps affirm your expertise.
  • Building trust: Being trustworthy and ethical when working and relating to others; ability to establish a bond of trust with others.  Trust is the foundation for successfully employing your expertise.

Building Your Expertise:

Building one’s expertise is not a quick or simple process.  It is also a never-ending process.  As people begin their business careers they may start to build their expertise based upon their educational background, undergraduate and graduate educations – the knowledge they acquired in school.  Over time expertise is expanded and the educational expertise supplemented as experience occurs.  The understanding gained from application in the workplace and on-going learning is vital to enhancing one’s expertise.

Building your expertise also takes into account the topic in my last blog – Mindset – building your expertise requires a “possibilities mindset” – a mindset of continuous learning and development.   I doubt that there is a formula or template for how to build your expertise?  But I encourage everyone at every stage of your career to periodically conduct a self-assessment of your expertise – an Expertise Audit.  Ask yourself, what really is my expertise?  What is the value I bring to the workplace?  Where do I have holes or voids in my expertise?  Have I only focused on developing my technical and functional knowledge and skill or have I also considered the social and emotional competencies associated with effectively deploying my expertise?  How do I best test what my expertise is?  What do I use to compare my expertise against?  Who can give me meaningful input about my expertise?  What actions must I take to improve and enhance my expertise?

Real Expertise sets you apart – it gives you a competitive advantage – consider how you can achieve that level of expertise.  Expertise is one of the Nine Essentials to Career Success – it cannot be taken lightly.  Whether you are 20 or 70, I encourage you to continuously build your expertise and in turn enhance your career!

Trust – Yourself and Others

Article contributed by Christene Cronin, CC

Trust encompasses many feelings and behaviors. It requires self-confidence and respect for yourself and others, just to name a few.

Fear can create a lack of trust and can hold you back. It can stop you from taking that promotion, starting a new career or writing that book you always talk about. It can be the fear you feel after making a mistake, or fear that stops you from taking action for fear of failing or looking bad in the eyes of others.

The acronym for fear is:  False Evidence Appearing Real

We often create fear in our minds through our own thoughts and beliefs which can be based on what we read or hear from others. However, beliefs are basically a thought we repeat over and over in our mind. And any belief can be changed if we choose to change it.

If you change your thoughts you can be who you want to be and you can do whatever you want to do. There is a concept about how our minds are programmed early on in life based on our thoughts and beliefs as we grow. Two books that help with this concept are:

1) Virus of the Mind by Richard Brodie

2) Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Trusting yourself requires confidence in your own thinking and ability. If you are confident within your- self then others will trust in you as well?

Do you trust others? What does it take for you to trust others?

In his book The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey defined a person of high trust as: reliable, respectful, loyal, compassionate, caring, open minded, flexible, confident and extending trust to others.

Now take that last quality; extending trust to others. For some, that can be very difficult.

One of the biggest reasons for a lack of trust is “when” someone makes a mistake. I say “when” because as much as we don’t like to admit it, we all make mistakes once in a while.  So allow others to make mistakes without retribution. Don’t be afraid to admit to others that you made a mistake, it shows you are human.  Once you can accept and admit this to yourself, you will realize that valuable knowledge can be gained by learning from our mistakes.

How you respond to a mistake can make the difference in whether others feel they can trust you. If you own up to it, respond with a confident manner that you will rectify it then you are creating a feeling of trust.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”   

  ~ Stephen R. Covey author of the book “ 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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